As kids grow older, they can—and should—take on increased responsibility. Responsibility is critical to a young person’s development, building their coping skills, self-esteem, and sense of ownership.
The following are tips for increasing responsibility in four key areas: academics, chores, community service, and finances.
Academics. Teens should be expected to keep track of homework, test dates, etc. without daily reminders from their parents. It is good to start in middle school before they face the even-more-demanding responsibilities of high school.
Teen’s Chores. Getting help from your teen can make your family run more smoothly, help him or her feel like a valued member of the family team, and teach life skills. Here are some suggestions:
- Trash: Ask teens to keep track of the garbage level in all family wastebaskets and empty them when they get full.
- Laundry: Teens can wash all their own laundry plus one additional load per week to represent their share of towels, sheets, etc. Show them how to wash whites, colors, etc. "Doing the laundry" means wash, dry, fold, and put away.
- Errands: Once teens are able to drive, they can take younger siblings to school, lessons, or practices. Make it their responsibility to remember times and locations.
Community Service Opportunities. Work with your teen to find community service ideas that match their interests. These are some options:
- Local humane societies often have volunteer programs for adolescents. Contact your local ASPCA or veterinarian for suggestions.
- Kids who are artistically inclined might be able to volunteer at a local art museum, preparing materials for arts projects, performing data entry, and acting as teacher aides for art classes.
- Teens who like to work with their hands can volunteer with organizations like Habitat for Humanity (information on their youth programs is available)
Financial Responsibilities. There are many ways to foster financial responsibility in young people. The following are ideas to get you started:
- Allowance. A predictable income can help your teens learn money management skills. Help them create a chart that shows how much they need and how long it will take to reach that goal.
- Bank accounts. Middle school is also a good time to introduce checking accounts. Call your bank or credit unions to see what special programs they have that teach teens how to save, how interest works, etc.
Eight Tips for Assigning Responsibilities
1. Involve your teen. Talk to her or him about family needs. Some families involve their teenagers in creating a family budget. Set up a spreadsheet and show your teenager what expenses the family has each month. When discussing chores for kids, it can be useful to make a list of all of the tasks that must be done in the household each week and/or month. Teenagers and parents can then work together to divide responsibilities fairly.
2. Define responsibilities clearly. Do chores with your teens until they understand what is needed. And don’t rely just on a verbal commitment—put it in writing. Create a checklist, put up a chalkboard or a dry-erase board, make a job chart. When possible, add pictures for teens who learn visually, read them aloud for those who are auditory learners, and have spaces to cross things off for those who are tactile learners. Some parents even create contracts with their children.
3. Set a good example. Be careful about the language you use: if you complain about doing work or try to get out of it, you might be teaching your children to whine or procrastinate. Show your children that you are grateful for the responsibilities that you have by sharing things you like about your job or your satisfaction with household tasks like “It sure feels comfortable to climb into a bed with freshly washed sheets—it makes doing laundry feel worthwhile.”
4. Be a good coach. Supervise their responsibilities and provide feedback and coaching to make sure they are meeting standards and that they continue to do the task. Remember that the goal here isn’t perfection—praise your children frequently and acknowledge what they do accomplish.
5. Provide rewards and consequences. Be generous with praise and provide appropriate rewards for tasks completed. Tasks well done can be rewarded with family games or increased freedom or rights. It’s never too early to learn that increased responsibilities equal increased trust.
6. Be consistent. Once a job is assigned, expect the teen to fulfill that responsibility. If the task is taking out the garbage twice a week, then make sure the child does that task twice a week.
7. Don’t sabotage!
- Don’t stereotype chores as being female or male.
- Don’t overwhelm your teens—children still need time for play, homework, and friendships.
- Don’t expect perfection.
- Don’t redo the task behind your teens' back.
- Don’t let kids whine their way out of a task or procrastinate.
8. Make the job fun. Many chores can be made more pleasant with a song or a game. Graphic designer Marie Marfia created a board game for her kids called The Endless Chore Game. The board has squares like Candy Land but no beginning or end. Each square has pictures of kids doing chores (mowing the lawn and washing dishes and sweeping floors). Mafia puts the board on the fridge and uses magnets for game pieces. Her kids roll dice find out what chores they have. How is this fun? “The board has a few free spaces with fun stuff, like cloud watching or pudding construction or singing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm.” If you’re lucky, you might get out of chores for a day."