ShortCuts in This Guide

• Respond Appropriately if Your Teen Skips School
  Even the best students skip class occasionally. (C’mon—you did it, too.) But regularly skipping school puts your teen at risk of failing or dropping out. Skipping school could also indicate a psychological or substance abuse problem. If you suspect that your teen is skipping school regularly, take the following steps:

  • Find out what’s happening. You need to know three things: why your teen is skipping, how often he or she is doing it, and what your teen is doing outside of school. Kids sometimes skip school when something stressful or unpleasant is going on at school or at home. They also skip when they are unprepared for exams, bored, or testing their independence. Then again, some teens are simply partying with friends who are also skipping.
  • Call the school and ask about absences. Check the absences on your child’s report card to make sure you can account for all of them. Ask his or her teachers if there are any unexcused absences.
  • Ask your teen what’s going on in open-ended, neutral language, for example, “I understand you’ve been skipping school. We need to talk about it.” Or “You seem distracted and your grades are slipping. Can you tell me what’s going on or how you’re doing?”
  • Tighten the leash. Let your teen know that you expect him or her to be in school and that you’ll be checking with the school regularly. Ask the school to alert you if your child is absent. Drive him or her to school if necessary.
  • Schedule an appointment with your teen and the school guidance counselor if you think the situation is more serious or you need more support. You can discuss why your teen is skipping school, what kinds of help or resources are available to help, and how you can work with the school to make sure he or she gets the necessary education.

• Respond Appropriately if Your Teen Skips School

  Even the best students skip class occasionally. (C’mon—you did it, too.) But regularly skipping school puts your teen at risk of failing or dropping out. Skipping school could also indicate a psychological or substance abuse problem. If you suspect that your teen is skipping school regularly, take the following steps:

  • Find out what’s happening. You need to know three things: why your teen is skipping, how often he or she is doing it, and what your teen is doing outside of school. Kids sometimes skip school when something stressful or unpleasant is going on at school or at home. They also skip when they are unprepared for exams, bored, or testing their independence. Then again, some teens are simply partying with friends who are also skipping.
  • Call the school and ask about absences. Check the absences on your child’s report card to make sure you can account for all of them. Ask his or her teachers if there are any unexcused absences.
  • Ask your teen what’s going on in open-ended, neutral language, for example, “I understand you’ve been skipping school. We need to talk about it.” Or “You seem distracted and your grades are slipping. Can you tell me what’s going on or how you’re doing?”
  • Tighten the leash. Let your teen know that you expect him or her to be in school and that you’ll be checking with the school regularly. Ask the school to alert you if your child is absent. Drive him or her to school if necessary.
  • Schedule an appointment with your teen and the school guidance counselor if you think the situation is more serious or you need more support. You can discuss why your teen is skipping school, what kinds of help or resources are available to help, and how you can work with the school to make sure he or she gets the necessary education.
• Take Action When My Teen Fails a Class
  Failing a class isn’t the end of the world, but it’s important to determine whether the failure is an isolated screw-up or a symptom of a broader academic struggle. Either way, the problem needs to be addressed.
  

  • Is failing a class a rare event for your teen? Maybe he or she didn’t study hard enough or missed a key assignment. Treat the failure as a life lesson and let him or her take responsibility for it. Your child should talk to the teacher and the guidance counselor to find out how to make up the material or patch up his or her grade point average. Just make sure your teen does something. If you go attend these sessions, let your child do the talking.
  • What are your teen’s goals (to graduate, make money, learn a skill, go to college)? Help him or her articulate them. What can your kid do to attain them? What’s holding him or her back (lack of discipline, impulsiveness, boredom, feeling overwhelmed academically)?
  • What’s the big picture? If your teen is struggling academically, talk with the teacher first to find out why he or she failed, and then talk with the school administration and guidance counselor. Would another educational approach, such as a tech school or magnet school, be more appropriate for his or her interests, ability, and learning style? Would tutoring help? To find out if your qualify for free tutoring, read “Public School Policy: No Child Left Behind Offers Free Tutoring to Some Students.”
  • What else is going on in your teen’s life? A temporary drop in grades often follows a move or transition to high school. To help your child make a smooth transition, read “Parent Involvement Essential to Successful Middle School Transition to High School.”
  • Other life events, such as parental divorce, death of a friend or family member, or breaking up with a girl- or boyfriend, can distract a student from school. Monitor your child’s grades and school attendance to make sure the drop is temporary. A student should begin improving after a semester. Much longer, and teens risk falling too far behind or inflicting too much damage to their grade point averages to recover.
  • Do you need to adjust your parenting style to meet your teen’s needs? If you tend to be relaxed about rules and boundaries, try tightening up. Impose a curfew on school nights or turn off the TV and the Internet until homework is done. Review homework every night or at the end of the week and touch base with teachers every week or two to make sure your kid is keeping up. On the other hand, if you tend to be rigid and anxious about your teen’s behavior, trying lightening up. While you need to make sure his or her grades improve, your kid needs to know that you recognize his or her strengths and achievements and that he or she has your love and approval no matter what.

• Take Action When My Teen Fails a Class

  Failing a class isn’t the end of the world, but it’s important to determine whether the failure is an isolated screw-up or a symptom of a broader academic struggle. Either way, the problem needs to be addressed.
  

  • Is failing a class a rare event for your teen? Maybe he or she didn’t study hard enough or missed a key assignment. Treat the failure as a life lesson and let him or her take responsibility for it. Your child should talk to the teacher and the guidance counselor to find out how to make up the material or patch up his or her grade point average. Just make sure your teen does something. If you go attend these sessions, let your child do the talking.
  • What are your teen’s goals (to graduate, make money, learn a skill, go to college)? Help him or her articulate them. What can your kid do to attain them? What’s holding him or her back (lack of discipline, impulsiveness, boredom, feeling overwhelmed academically)?
  • What’s the big picture? If your teen is struggling academically, talk with the teacher first to find out why he or she failed, and then talk with the school administration and guidance counselor. Would another educational approach, such as a tech school or magnet school, be more appropriate for his or her interests, ability, and learning style? Would tutoring help? To find out if your qualify for free tutoring, read “Public School Policy: No Child Left Behind Offers Free Tutoring to Some Students.”
  • What else is going on in your teen’s life? A temporary drop in grades often follows a move or transition to high school. To help your child make a smooth transition, read “Parent Involvement Essential to Successful Middle School Transition to High School.”
  • Other life events, such as parental divorce, death of a friend or family member, or breaking up with a girl- or boyfriend, can distract a student from school. Monitor your child’s grades and school attendance to make sure the drop is temporary. A student should begin improving after a semester. Much longer, and teens risk falling too far behind or inflicting too much damage to their grade point averages to recover.
  • Do you need to adjust your parenting style to meet your teen’s needs? If you tend to be relaxed about rules and boundaries, try tightening up. Impose a curfew on school nights or turn off the TV and the Internet until homework is done. Review homework every night or at the end of the week and touch base with teachers every week or two to make sure your kid is keeping up. On the other hand, if you tend to be rigid and anxious about your teen’s behavior, trying lightening up. While you need to make sure his or her grades improve, your kid needs to know that you recognize his or her strengths and achievements and that he or she has your love and approval no matter what.
• Take Action Now to Keep My Kid in School
  Maybe you missed the calls from school. Maybe the school didn’t communicate clearly. Maybe a long, difficult academic struggle has finally become a crisis. Whatever the reason, your teen is on the verge of failure or says that he’s decided he is dropping out. How do you respond?
  

  • Get a grip. Take a deep breath. Count to ten. Avoid blaming yourself, your kid, or the school. You’ll be able to communicate better with your child and the school without pointing fingers. If you are worried about losing your temper, this ShortCut offers some good tips on communicating with a teen under pressure: “How to ‘Fight Fair’ with Your Teen.”
  • Get the facts, if possible. Don’t browbeat or nag, but try to find out what’s in your kid’s head. Use open-ended comments such as “Tell me more…” or “I need more information…”
  • Ask a counselor or an objective adult that you (and, with luck, your teen) trust to participate in the discussion if you can’t talk productively with your teen. (See the ShortCuts “Find a Middle and High School Professional You Can Trust” and “Get Help from a Mentor.”)
  • Call the school to set up a meeting with the administration. Prepare ahead of time. What do you want to accomplish? What will the next steps be? Be prepared to listen without becoming hostile. (See the ShortCut “Be a Strong Advocate for My At-risk Teen.”)
  • Explore options. Would a different type of high school education be better for your teen? Talk to your school’s guidance counselor to find out what options the district offers. (See the ShortCut “Find Educational Options for My At-risk Teen.”)
  • Include your teen. Teens must be active participants in any decision about their future because they are the major stakeholders and need to own the solution.

• Take Action Now to Keep My Kid in School

  Maybe you missed the calls from school. Maybe the school didn’t communicate clearly. Maybe a long, difficult academic struggle has finally become a crisis. Whatever the reason, your teen is on the verge of failure or says that he’s decided he is dropping out. How do you respond?
  

  • Get a grip. Take a deep breath. Count to ten. Avoid blaming yourself, your kid, or the school. You’ll be able to communicate better with your child and the school without pointing fingers. If you are worried about losing your temper, this ShortCut offers some good tips on communicating with a teen under pressure: “How to ‘Fight Fair’ with Your Teen.”
  • Get the facts, if possible. Don’t browbeat or nag, but try to find out what’s in your kid’s head. Use open-ended comments such as “Tell me more…” or “I need more information…”
  • Ask a counselor or an objective adult that you (and, with luck, your teen) trust to participate in the discussion if you can’t talk productively with your teen. (See the ShortCuts “Find a Middle and High School Professional You Can Trust” and “Get Help from a Mentor.”)
  • Call the school to set up a meeting with the administration. Prepare ahead of time. What do you want to accomplish? What will the next steps be? Be prepared to listen without becoming hostile. (See the ShortCut “Be a Strong Advocate for My At-risk Teen.”)
  • Explore options. Would a different type of high school education be better for your teen? Talk to your school’s guidance counselor to find out what options the district offers. (See the ShortCut “Find Educational Options for My At-risk Teen.”)
  • Include your teen. Teens must be active participants in any decision about their future because they are the major stakeholders and need to own the solution.
• Find Educational Options for My At-risk Teen
  If your teen is struggling in school or at risk of quitting altogether, exploring other types of schooling may keep him or her in school or on a new course. Here are some of the options:

  • Tech prep programs. High schools may offer these hands-on courses or have arrangements with a nearby college to provide training in a variety of trades. Tech prep is an excellent option for kids who learn by doing. The high school guidance counselor should be aware of options within the school district or at local community colleges.
  • Career academies. Similar to tech prep programs, career academies are often small schools-within-a-school that train students in real-world skills. Career academies are usually located in the high school.
  • Magnet schools. Magnet schools can provide an exceptional education with a diverse student body. The school’s curricula may focus on a theme, such as the environment or the arts (see our article about an exemplary magnet school in Detroit “Urban Magnet School Combines Technology with High School Academics”).
  • Charter schools. Charter schools have more flexibility to experiment; in fact, they are often started by parents or educators seeking a different educational model. Talk to the high school guidance counselor or search for schools anywhere in the country at the U.S. Department of Education’s school search Web site. Many districts also list alternative schools on their Web sites.
  • Service learning. Service learning connects education with meaningful youth community service. Building a Habitat for Humanity home, for example, helps a kid learn construction skills while interacting with caring adults and improving the community. For more information on service learning, read “Service Learning: More Than Just Community Service Opportunities.”
  • Alternative schools. Every district has them—small, separate high schools for at-risk students. They focus on personal attention and keeping kids in school. Your guidance counselor is the best source of information about alternative schools.
  • GED programs. The GED (General Educational Development) test is a series of five exams that test the basic knowledge a high school graduate should have. Again, talk to a high school counselor to find out about test sites as well as classes or workshops to help prepare for the test. Visit the official site for information about the GED.
  • Tutoring. Maybe your teen just needs an extra boost to make it over some academic hurdles or improve his or her confidence. You might qualify for free tutoring (see “Public School Policy: No Child Left Behind Offers Free Tutoring to Some Students”).
  • Online courses. Find information on online courses in “Online Classes Reach Out to Students of All Learning Types.”

• Find Educational Options for My At-risk Teen

  If your teen is struggling in school or at risk of quitting altogether, exploring other types of schooling may keep him or her in school or on a new course. Here are some of the options:

  • Tech prep programs. High schools may offer these hands-on courses or have arrangements with a nearby college to provide training in a variety of trades. Tech prep is an excellent option for kids who learn by doing. The high school guidance counselor should be aware of options within the school district or at local community colleges.
  • Career academies. Similar to tech prep programs, career academies are often small schools-within-a-school that train students in real-world skills. Career academies are usually located in the high school.
  • Magnet schools. Magnet schools can provide an exceptional education with a diverse student body. The school’s curricula may focus on a theme, such as the environment or the arts (see our article about an exemplary magnet school in Detroit “Urban Magnet School Combines Technology with High School Academics”).
  • Charter schools. Charter schools have more flexibility to experiment; in fact, they are often started by parents or educators seeking a different educational model. Talk to the high school guidance counselor or search for schools anywhere in the country at the U.S. Department of Education’s school search Web site. Many districts also list alternative schools on their Web sites.
  • Service learning. Service learning connects education with meaningful youth community service. Building a Habitat for Humanity home, for example, helps a kid learn construction skills while interacting with caring adults and improving the community. For more information on service learning, read “Service Learning: More Than Just Community Service Opportunities.”
  • Alternative schools. Every district has them—small, separate high schools for at-risk students. They focus on personal attention and keeping kids in school. Your guidance counselor is the best source of information about alternative schools.
  • GED programs. The GED (General Educational Development) test is a series of five exams that test the basic knowledge a high school graduate should have. Again, talk to a high school counselor to find out about test sites as well as classes or workshops to help prepare for the test. Visit the official site for information about the GED.
  • Tutoring. Maybe your teen just needs an extra boost to make it over some academic hurdles or improve his or her confidence. You might qualify for free tutoring (see “Public School Policy: No Child Left Behind Offers Free Tutoring to Some Students”).
  • Online courses. Find information on online courses in “Online Classes Reach Out to Students of All Learning Types.”
• Help My Pregnant Teen Graduate from High School
  Pregnancy is one of those life events that can torpedo education. Not only do two-thirds of pregnant teens drop out of high school, but their babies are affected as well. The children of teenage mothers are also far more likely to live in poverty, to have health and social problems, and to drop out of school. With a supportive family, however, teenage mothers can avoid becoming a statistic. So, in the midst of all the other transitions, try to take the following actions:
  

  • Visit the high school counselor as soon as you find out about the pregnancy. Support services can be more appropriate and targeted when the schools are plugged in early. “We can adjust the student’s class schedule to adjust to her due date, like taking her out of a high school physical education class, for example,” says Joan Vidak, high school counselor, Mason County Central Schools in West Michigan. “The sooner we know, the more we can help.”
  • Explore all the educational resources and work with your teen to determine the best option. School districts differ widely in the programs they provide for pregnant teens. An urban district such Flint Public Schools, for example, has a special school a girl can attend until she has her baby. In addition, Flint’s Genesee County ISD tries to provide a continuum of care that includes the children of teenage mothers. Services in other districts, such as the suburban Rockford Public Schools near Grand Rapids, are offered through the Intermediate School district. Services in rural Mason County Central are coordinated by the high school counselor. Get all the information you can about the services your daughter qualifies for.
  • Be an advocate if necessary. At the very least, your teen should not be penalized for absences related to the pregnancy or to childcare. Under Title IX laws, she has equal access to any services, such as in-home tutoring, that the district offers to other students with temporary disabilities. State laws may also mandate certain support services.
  • Nurture the network. Your daughter is now dealing with different issues from the ones her friends are facing—morning sickness rather than locker gossip or a father who may or may not be in the picture—rather than who will ask her to homecoming. She probably feels left out and isolated. What school activities can she participate in? Which friends are reaching out to her? Some schools, such as Mason County Central, offer support groups and social outings for pregnant teens.
  • Support and encourage. How will your teen be a mother and a student? How will other family members fulfill their responsibilities at work, at home, and at school? Are outside resources, such as a school daycare, available? Decide on a baby care routine that works for everyone in the family. “The future isn’t over,” says Vidak. “It will take more support and more planning, but your daughter still has a successful life ahead.”

• Help My Pregnant Teen Graduate from High School

  Pregnancy is one of those life events that can torpedo education. Not only do two-thirds of pregnant teens drop out of high school, but their babies are affected as well. The children of teenage mothers are also far more likely to live in poverty, to have health and social problems, and to drop out of school. With a supportive family, however, teenage mothers can avoid becoming a statistic. So, in the midst of all the other transitions, try to take the following actions:
  

  • Visit the high school counselor as soon as you find out about the pregnancy. Support services can be more appropriate and targeted when the schools are plugged in early. “We can adjust the student’s class schedule to adjust to her due date, like taking her out of a high school physical education class, for example,” says Joan Vidak, high school counselor, Mason County Central Schools in West Michigan. “The sooner we know, the more we can help.”
  • Explore all the educational resources and work with your teen to determine the best option. School districts differ widely in the programs they provide for pregnant teens. An urban district such Flint Public Schools, for example, has a special school a girl can attend until she has her baby. In addition, Flint’s Genesee County ISD tries to provide a continuum of care that includes the children of teenage mothers. Services in other districts, such as the suburban Rockford Public Schools near Grand Rapids, are offered through the Intermediate School district. Services in rural Mason County Central are coordinated by the high school counselor. Get all the information you can about the services your daughter qualifies for.
  • Be an advocate if necessary. At the very least, your teen should not be penalized for absences related to the pregnancy or to childcare. Under Title IX laws, she has equal access to any services, such as in-home tutoring, that the district offers to other students with temporary disabilities. State laws may also mandate certain support services.
  • Nurture the network. Your daughter is now dealing with different issues from the ones her friends are facing—morning sickness rather than locker gossip or a father who may or may not be in the picture—rather than who will ask her to homecoming. She probably feels left out and isolated. What school activities can she participate in? Which friends are reaching out to her? Some schools, such as Mason County Central, offer support groups and social outings for pregnant teens.
  • Support and encourage. How will your teen be a mother and a student? How will other family members fulfill their responsibilities at work, at home, and at school? Are outside resources, such as a school daycare, available? Decide on a baby care routine that works for everyone in the family. “The future isn’t over,” says Vidak. “It will take more support and more planning, but your daughter still has a successful life ahead.”