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avatarAlicia
# of Thumbs Up Received (2)

How do you get a child to stop worrying about things they can't control?

My seven-year-old worries about everything: he was worried this morning that his Dad wouldn't get to school in time to pay for school pictures or his lunch. He worries about our dog if she's in her crate too long, he worries about someone breaking into our house, or what happens if I get into an accident on my way to pick him up from day care, and a couple of weeks ago when a TV announcer was talking about the super-collider in Switzerland and the remote possibility that the activity in Europe could cause a black hole and destroy the Earth, he was in tears for half an hour before I could calm him down. He was afraid we were all going to die.

My husband and I are pretty laid back, but not Ty. He worries about everything. I try to explain the things that worry him so that he understands that I wouldn't let anything cause him harm, but then he worries about the things I can't explain.

I'm not sure where to go from here.

Question applies to ages: 7

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avatarDonna Marie
# of Thumbs Up Received (4)
Depression and Mental Health # of Thumbs Up Received (3)		 Children this age often begin to worry as they realize things are beyond their control. In addition, they learn that the parents they thought were superhuman cannot control everything either. Continue to answer Ty's questions, but be brief and matter-of-fact. What if Dad doesn't get to school in time to pay lunch money...the teacher will know what to do; things like this happen a lot at school. What if the dog is in her crate too long...she'll get to take a longer nap and she may like that. At the same time, offer him ways to take some control of the results. Maybe Ty would like to keep an extra lunch (of nonperishable items) at school in case Dad runs late one day. Would he like to set a timer to let the dog out of the crate after a certain amount of time? It's also important to screen what young children are watching on TV. News, violent cartoons, and sitcoms can lead to misunderstandings. Children simply don't have enough background knowledge to interpret much of what they see on TV.

Ty may continue to worry, but hopefully, in time and with the unconditional love you provide, his fears will fade.

References:
Master's Degree in Psychology; Children's Author; Parent; Teacher, 14 years; former columnist for Teaching K-8's "Parent Connection"
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avatarBryan.EduGuide
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Top 5 in: Choosing College, Family Activities, Home Learning and Field Trips, Learning Styles, School Policy and Education IssuesTop 5 in 5 Topics		 Ty has a powerful imagination. He may be the next Steven King.

Consider giving him a chance to realize that he can control his imagination -- instead of just letting it control him. Look for a low stress opportunity to play a game called "scenario." He'll have to answer two questions about some activity:

1. What are all the things that could go wrong with this? These are called threats.

2. What are all the things that could go right, and make this a super success? These are called opportunities.

Tell him this is an exercise called brainstorming, so together you'll try to think of as many answers to each question as possible. (It will work better if you can make a list of the answers.) There are no wrong answers and the wilder the answers the better. That's where great ideas come from.

Later, if you want, you can teach him the second level of the game. First, brainstorm a way to prevent or respond to the top threats. Then, brainstorm a way to take advantage of the top opportunities. People often miss opportunities by focusing too much on threats -- it's just the way we're wired -- so encourage Ty to spend more enegry on the positive side of the equation.

There's a third level too, where you review afterwards what actually happened from your list.

By the way, this is the same game that presidents and generals, fire fighters and insurance actuarials go through to plan for the future. Teach it to Ty and he may help prevent the next meltdown on Wall Street.
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avatarBud
# of Thumbs Up Received (2)		 As you & Ty have already found out, there are not explainations for everything, so it really isn't helpful to teach a child that you the parent can explain away every situation. Also because of his age, try to protect him from information that is not really beneficial to him.

Do you have a faith in God who loves & provides for us? Does Ty see you praying to God? I encourage you to teach Ty to take his concerns to God in prayer and for Ty to trust God with his needs. As Ty gains a greater appreciation of God, he will know God's peace & have less fears.

References:
parent & grandparent
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