Get Started

I'll show you how.
 

Find Advice

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. ~Fran Lebowitz

Let's Play Nice

We’re glad you’re here, and we want to know what you have to say. This is your community, but please remember that there are kids and great-aunts out here, too. Look out for each other. Whatever you post, make sure it helps, encourages, and gives back to the community. For details about our content policy, click here.

Get Advice

 
previous previous  |  all  |  next next
avatarLori
# of Thumbs Up Received (0)

How do I get my 3 yr old daughter to be less codependent when it comes to feeding her and going potty?

My daughter seems to think that she needs help doing everything from feedings to going potty, i understand if she needs some help but she just seems to not want to do anything on her own or that shes a little (lazy) and expects us to do it all for her.

Question applies to ages: 3

reportReport

Rate Advice (1)

avatarElizabeth.Johns
# of Thumbs Up Received (76)
Top 5 in: Choosing College, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Summer Learning and Camps, Teens and Jobs, Transitions and Readiness, Motivating StudentsTop 5 in 16 Topics		 3 year olds are learning many new skills and I'm sure it can be overwhelming and even a little scary to try all these new things and master them well enough to do by themselves. Your daughter may be anxious about doing something wrong or poorly, so she doesn't want to try at all.

My daughter, who is in kindergarten, is very risk aversive (that's the fancy phrase her teacher uses to explain that she is scared to try new things). What the teacher told me that she does in class is to tell the children that she is willing to help them--as long as they try it on their own first. Whether it's writing a new letter or turning on the faucet by themselves, they've got to try before asking for help. Sometimes they still need help and other times they discover that they really did know how to do it!

You might want to try that with your daughter. Be there to help, but let her know that you want her to try it by herself. Also, be her cheerleader and encourage and praise her for taking baby steps. That way, she will feel more confident in her abilities and be more inclined to take another step toward independence. And, if she does the action "wrong" or poorly, don't scold her. That will just make her more afraid of trying. Instead, praise her for trying, help her out, and review the steps again, letting her know that next time, she will do it better.

When she achieves a task, be sure and let her know what a big girl she is getting to be and how proud you are of her.

If there is a particular life skill that you are certain she knows how to do but just doesn't want to, you can practice a little "benign neglect." When she "needs" you, just be "too busy" at the moment to help out and ask her to give it a try until you are able to get to her. IF my daughter wanted me to put on her socks, I might be washing some dishes or getting something out of the fridge and not able to help her. Plenty of times, she would get tired of waiting and do it herself.

Or tie something nice to her completion of a task. "We can go to the park once you put your coat on." "You can't put it on? Then I guess we can't go." When I tried this tactic with my child, she would usually get mad and me and then do exactly what I wanted her to do, almost in spite--but it got done!

Preschoolers are complex little people and you really need to pull out the parental bag of tricks to help them achieve independence. But it's worth it the first time she pops out of the bedroom completely dressed and proudly announces, "I did it myself," or when you realize that it's been days since you've heard that cry from the bathroom, "Mom, I need help wiping!" Give her time. She'll get there.

References:
mom of four fairly independent kids
Was this helpful?    thumb up  |  thumb down
reportReport

EduGuide does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any EduGuide Advice content. Click here for the Full Disclaimer. Help us improve EduGude Advice. Tell us what you think.

McAfee Secure sites help keep you safe from identity theft, credit card fraud, spyware, spam, viruses and online scams
Parents |  Students |  Professionals |  Our Cause |  Site Map |  Contact Us
Website Development by Web Ascender
Privacy Policy |  Terms of Use | © 2008 EduGuide