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avatarkay
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How can I train my daughter to be patient with herself and not cry when frustrated?

My 10 year old daughter gets upset and crys everytime she can not get a note correct when practicing violin. What can I do to ease her frustration and not get frustrated myself?My daughter has asked me to help her so that when she is frustrated she does not cry. I do not know how to help her.

Question applies to ages: 10

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avatarBridgette
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Growth and Development, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and SchoolsTop 5 in 7 Topics		 A couple of suggestions for the two of you to explore:

1. Share with her the story of Thomas Edison and how in order for him to invent the light bulb, he had to get it wrong 10,000 times before he got it right. He said he then had discovered 10,000 ways that it wouldn't work--which was vital information as long as he kept going until he found the way that did work.

2. Point out that with music, she is not just teaching her mind, she is teaching her fingers and body. Eventually, she will be able to do the music without thinking much the way a typist will type without thinking. So reassure her that her brain has already gotten it. Now she is just doing the repetition. It might make things less frustrating for her.

3. Try teaching her some breathing exercises. When she feels herself start to cry, have her take a deep breath in through her mouth--a breath that goes all the way down to her stomach. Then slowly breathe out and repeat that a few times. Not only does this help control the urge to cry, but it is also a healthy reaction that keeps her from bottling up the emotions she's feeling.

4. Acknowledge her frustration without discounting it. Describe what you see: "You sound really discouraged that you got a note wrong." You might even be able to say something like, "It sounded like you got the first three lines correct." But don't tell her that she shouldn't feel frustrated or upset. Simply acknowledge it as valid and then try to get her to focus on moving forward.

5. While I've not tried it, I've heard some people recommend using aromatherapy. Is there a scent that your daughter finds particularly relaxing? You might be able to get something like a lavender wand or a sachet with rose petals. Sometimes even the action of her interrupting herself to pick up something to smell (and the added bonus that she'll likely take a deep breath when she smells) might release some of her frustration.

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