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avatar Anonymous

dealing with teen and sex

my daughter who is just 16 has told me she is having sex. I am very much against this but how do we go on from here

Question applies to ages: 16

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avatarAnonymous I know that putting her on birth control sounds like you would be "supporting" her choice, but in working with teen girls on this matter it's not a one time thing from here on. You can't be with her 24/7. So you have to decide if a baby is something your family can handle. 5 mins. of sex vs. 18 years of responsibility.... Also, a GYN visit would be wise too. P.S. The parents that did not want to "support" BC, their girls ended up pregnant...

References:
Jr. High counselor for 7 years
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avatarJenny.eduguide
# of Thumbs Up Received (77)
Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Financial Aid for College, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Parenting Support, Parents and Schools, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Transitions and Readiness, Study Skills and Academic StrategiesTop 5 in 12 Topics		 I think that first of all you really need to praise your daughter for her honesty. It couldn't have been an easy thing for her to tell you this and if you want her to continue to confide in you, then let her know that you are happy that she did.

It also isn't wrong to let her know that you are disappointed in her decision to have sex. But I agree with the other commenter, you can't "stop" it from happening again. At least at this point she's keeping you in the loop. It is a huge distance between 16-years-old and adulthood, but at the same time, it is such a small step.

Treating your child NOW like the adult she will soon be will hopefully help her see herself as that adult also and encourage her to make "adult" decisions. Let's just hope that those choices include maturity and responsibility. I'm sure that with your continued guidance, they will.

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Mother of my own 16-year-old girl. And, yes, it IS terrifying.
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avatarJudy
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Bullying and Violence # of Thumbs Up Received (2)		 My mom taught middle and high school for many years. One thing she learned about teen sexuality was that girls aren't always sexually active because they want to be. Their reasons are often complex and may have more to do with thinking they won't be loved than with wanting to be in a mature relationship. In some cases, the girls did not understand that they had the right to say no -- or any idea of how to say it.

I think you can make it very clear to your daughter that, while you disapprove of her being sexually active, you are pleased that she felt comfortable coming to you to discuss it. Have a long talk with her to find out exactly what is happening in her life.

How old is the boyfriend? Is your daughter a willing participant or is she being pressured? Is she having sex because she things "everyone else" is doing so? Those are questions you need to ask her.

I agree that she needs a Gyn appointment also. She needs to be examined for STD's - regardless of what she tells you about condom use. The Gyn will almost certainly discuss birth control with her. I know you don't want her to be sexually active, but the physician will probably feel that it is in her best interest to be on some form of birth control.

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Nurse
Mother of 3
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avatarBrenda
# of Thumbs Up Received (0)		 You would explain why you are against it then you would make sure that she is having safe sex and that she is not being forced to have sex. She is going to have sex so I would follow through with birth control but I would also tell her even if she does use birth control that does not stop her from getting other STD's as well as AIDS. I would continue to discourage her from having sex.

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Parent of a 13 year old
Master degree in Mental Health Counseling


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