Q: “One of the children I care for often interrupts when I’m tending others. How can I help him to be more patient?”
A: When my kids interrupted me, I tried to involve them in whatever I was doing until I could attend to them. (‘Charlie, how about if you help me dress Lisa so I can get you a drink.’) We also developed a signal for them to interrupt me courteously. They would silently lay their hand on my arm to let me know that they needed me. I would put my hand over theirs to let them know that I knew they were there and I would get to them as soon as I could. When I finished, I would give them my full attention. It took a while to learn, but it really worked.
-- Erin Wolfe, mother of three from Hartland Township, Michigan.
A: Many adults criticize kids for interrupting, but then respond to the child’s request! A few tips to curb interrupting I always use: Teach children how to know when an interruption is okay. They often are focused on their own needs and don’t understand they’re being rude. Teach a child to wait for a pause and to say, ‘Excuse me.’ When she does this, respond positively. I also use ‘the Squeeze.’ Tell a child if he wants something when you are talking to others, he should gently squeeze your arm. You will then squeeze his hand to indicate that you know he is there and will be with him in a minute. Respond quickly so he can see how well this works. Also, try to give a clear message. Pause, look the child in the eye, and say, ‘I’ll be with you in a minute.’ Then turn your face, body and attention away. Do not repeat your request. Finally, praise the child for remembering to use good manners.
-- Elizabeth Pantley, author of Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading.
A: Teaching children to wait their turn and not to interrupt others takes time. It is important to set out the rules and let children know what is expected of them. The next step is to clearly explain what will happen if they do interrupt. You can warn them that it is not OK, then give them the choice of waiting for their turn or getting a time out. But the most important thing is positive reinforcement, where you notice and praise the child when he or she does wait, take a turn or is patient. As my grandmother used to say, ‘You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.’ This is especially true when teaching children.
-- Dr. Sandra A. Graham-Bermann, Psychology Dept., University of Michigan.