"Mommy, don't you leeeeave me. I'm not going to stay heeeere."
Ponytail flying, my 4-year-old daughter streaked across the lawn of the community center. Her eyes opened wide in panic and determination as she flew into my arms. I sighed and came face to face with two familiar facts: my firstborn child had a very strong will, and she had a little trouble with transitions.
The toddler activity that was undoing her this time was a dance class. When we walked through the door, she encountered the same kids, same teacher and the same steps. Trouble was, we had walked through a new door because her old building was being remodeled. I should have known there'd be trouble.
At one point or another, adolescent parenting involves teaching children how to handle transitions. Whether it is getting them ready for preschool or helping them make a middle school transition, you'll have to help them through many child development stages.
Changes at Toddlers' Activities Can Cause Stress In Children
I fumed on the way home over the wasted time and money and secretly blamed her grandma. Rumor had it she used to escape her kindergarten in the middle of the morning. Her mother would find her on the front porch steps in the autumn sun, happily planning her future—a future that didn't include school.
I, on the other hand, reveled in change. When I was a child I dragged my family to the same pancake house for years, just so I could try every flavor of syrup. I read the entire Nancy Drew series. And once I even talked to a stranger. Yep, Erin's fears had to be grandma's fault.
Helping Children: Behaviors Can Be Met Head-On
Nevertheless, I was the one who had to help her face them if I wanted her to get through life. After all, at four-and-a-half, her transitions had just begun. Through changes like these, I learned that all my children did better if I remembered the Three T's of Transition: time, talk, and trial runs.
- Time. I learned to prepare my children long in advance for any new events. Even nice surprises, like a trip to a friend's house, were better received if I didn't spring them at the last minute. It also helped to keep life slow and easy just before any big transitions.
- Talk. Sometimes they talked and I listened. Sometimes I talked while they cried. We talked about what to expect and how they might feel. Mostly we let them know that even through tough transitions, we believed they'd do great.
- Trial runs. Whenever possible, we visited new places in advance and tried to make the new seem familiar. We even sat out the first session of some classes so the young swimmer or gymnast could get used to a strange new world.
Did it cost me? At times. Was it frustrating? You bet. But it paid off in the end.
As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. You just might get what you want.
Middle School Transition and Beyond Was Almost Too Easy
Once Erin made the transition to a new middle school, she never looked back. She breezed through the shifts to high school and college and now has a new career. She's getting married next summer and doesn't seem at all reluctant to leave us.
Her grandma, however, is thinking about therapy. Maybe I’ll go along, just to hold her hand.
Linda Wacyk is a mother and former EduGuide editor.