EduGuide challenged high school English classes to think about the advice for teenagers they would give to younger students. We asked them and write about it by telling others “what they learned the hard way. Megan Mitchell responded to the challenge. Thanks, Megan for being an EduGuide.
Even if you feel that your family is perfect and that there is no way that one of them could leave the household, this article is still worth a glimpse. Not only can it give you understanding of the people around you who are dealing with hard times, but it can prepare you if you ever do get into an unfortunate situation. In my life I have dealt with many things, including the death of my grandmother, my father becoming addicted to drugs and not being in my life for many years, and having to enroll in school because my mother needed to get a job instead of continuing to home school us. The lives that we thought were great changed very suddenly and we had to make the best out of the situation we were in.
Have you ever thought of what you would do if your life took such a sudden change? How would you feel and what would be different about your behavior? Many young people know what it is like to miss a parent but you should never let it stop you from accomplishing what you want to do in life. You have to remember that your feelings matter and you don’t deserve to be neglected. It can be hard, and more than anything painful, but you have to keep your head high, show respect for yourself and others around you, and never let anyone bring you down.
Many teenagers feel anger or hatred towards the parent who leaves. “Why would they leave us behind? What did I do? Can they not stand me that much?” Many teens also believe that it’s their fault that the parent left. This isn’t usually as true as many people tend to think and in a lot of instances, the adult may feel that leaving is better for the family’s sake, not their own, that maybe it would cause the spouse or children to be less stressed if they weren’t around to cause arguments. Or maybe they feel that they’re too pressured to give the best life their children can get and may feel like they ruin the chances of it. Many teens never think about these plausible reasons for parents to leave because they are too absorbed in being upset with them.
My brother and I were fairly angry at my father for putting us into such a harsh situation and thought that he should have realized the consequences before he acted. What was even worse was that a year or so before he was even sentenced, his addiction told him that it was more important to get money than it was to spend time with his growing children. This angered my mother the most, but she always tried to stay strong for her kids. I realized that anger is a perfectly normal human emotion, but holding a grudge against someone forever has no true purpose and doesn’t help anyone get over what others have done to them.
Through my own personal experiences, sitting in your room and moping or being upset and angry to all who are around you gets you nowhere in life. I’ve found that it is very hard to bring yourself back up that hill of happiness once you’ve been so violently tossed down, but not one person benefits from you staying in an upset mood, especially the ones around you. I knew that the rest of my family was going through the same situation as I was and had the same feelings I did. So, instead of breaking away from them, I tried to get to know them more and we continued to stay supportive of each other. If you think about it, no one knows more about what you are feeling than the ones going through the same problems and emotions.
Friends are also a great way to deal with a parent leaving home, just as long as you remember to be safe when you are with them. Many teens nowadays are more subject to experiencing these problems and know a lot about what you are feeling first hand. As long as you stay in the right crowd and avoid any means of drugs and other bad situations, you can get through anything in a healthy way. My friends were very important to me during my time of need and when I started going to a new school, I was very shy, but made a few good friends that I still talk to today. I was never tempted to do any drugs and especially learned from my experiences that they can truly mess with your life and your expectations. We were supposed to move out to Nevada before I graduated school, but because we wanted to stay supportive of my father, we remained. I plan on moving on by myself after I begin my college years.
The fact of the matter is; you’re not the only person who has had to deal with tough situations. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to get help if you feel that you need it, but it also doesn’t mean that you should ignore your feelings or keep them bottled up inside either. There are many ways to cope with a person leaving your life. If you feel that your actions and anger can be helped and want to change, discuss with someone at your school about how to change your mood. Also, hanging out with supportive and fun friends and keeping the ones you love and care for near you are great things to start with in your “recovery.” If you can, research and learn facts about why a person leaves and how to deal with it, because it can not only help you, but it will help you support others who go through the same issues. My father is back at home now and I can honestly say that our family’s relationship has grown so much stronger by the things we have gone through.
I do not regret what has happened, nor am I upset, because I know now that we can withstand anything as long as we stick together. I know that if he would have never been sentenced, he would have continued his drug abuse and neglected us and the situation would have ended a lot worse. I think I can say that life has jaded me and that I am more leary of circumstances that might not end well. I also understand that no one is exactly alike and everyone can act differently to a variety of circumstances, but everyone has feelings and deserves the right to share them freely. You can have supportive friends and family and you most certainly can get over anything life throws your way. You just have to believe in yourself, trust who you are, and never let anyone tell you any differently.
By using the checklist below, you can determine the best way to deal with the situation you are in. It gives you information on how to make yourself feel better, not only about what is happening, but how you should feel about yourself and other people.
- Try not to be negative. Negative thoughts are really hard to avoid, especially once you’re already in a situation, but forcing yourself not to think bad things can be very healthy. Your mind only thinks what you tell it.
- Don’t have a bad attitude. There is no use in being mean to everyone because you are mad at one person and it certainly doesn’t help you get over anything any faster.
- Keep your mind open to the positives. Think of good reasons why this situation has happened and how your life can benefit from it.
- Keep yourself busy. Don’t sit around a mope about how bad your life is. It gets you no where and never makes your life any better. Stay occupied with friends, family, hobbies, and school or work and you will be a lot happier.
- Try not to set your mind on the situation. Think about other things and try not to let your mind wonder about “What Ifs” or how things could have happened. Your life is how it is and there’s nothing you can do to change the past.
- Don’t keep things bottled up inside. Even though it seems crazy, talking is the best medicine for depression. Talk things over with anyone you trust and will listen. Don’t keep things inside you. It only builds up more stress.
Megan Mitchell is a junior at Volinia Outcomes School in southwest Michigan and she enjoys computers and having interesting conversations with her friends. She has a very open mind and is known for being the “nicest of the group,” but usually doesn’t hold back from voicing her opinion.
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