Peers become more important as children enter their teens, so make sure your teen has friendship skills: that he or she knows how to nurture healthy friendships and end unhealthy ones. Talk to your child about friendship and what being a good friend means. You might offer some of these thoughts:
  • Friends make each other feel good about themselves. A “friend” who makes you feel bad about yourself isn’t a real friend.
  • You can always be honest and reveal your true self around a friend.
  • Keep your promises to your friends, except when they will hurt you or the friend.
  • You should be able to argue with your friends and even hurt each other without ruining the friendship. Friends apologize, forgive, and repair the relationship.
  • You build a good friendship by spending time with a friend.
  • Friends are loyal. They don’t gossip about each other, and they don’t date people they know their friends are crushing on.
  • Friends help each other. Make sure you always return favors.
  • Friends protect each other. Don’t let a friend do something dangerous like drive drunk.
  • Feed a friendship by paying attention to a friend, celebrating good times together, and being available when times are tough.
Here are some things you can do to help your teen be responsible about friendships:
  • Know the friends and their parents. You don’t need to be friends with your child’s friends, but you should know them well enough that you can talk to your child about them.
  • Invite your kid’s friends to family activities. Spending time together helps you get to know them and makes everyone more comfortable around each other.
  • Let teens hang out at your house. Try to make your home a welcoming and safe place for teens. Be friendly, but also be firm about your values. Don’t provide alcohol to anyone underage and do not tolerate illegal or dangerous behavior.
  • Be consistent about enforcing family rules. Welcoming your child’s friends into your home does not mean that you have to suspend family rules. Be clear about what is acceptable in your house and what is not.
  • Observe your child’s friendships. You don’t have to like your child’s friends, but if you think a friend is abusive emotionally or physically, step in and help your child handle the situation.
  • Model good friendships. Let your children see you engaging in healthy friendships with people who have fun together, treat each other respectfully, and help each other out.
  • Give your child time to make friends. People need to spend time together for friendships to develop. Make sure your child isn’t so overscheduled with activities after school, sports, and household chores that there is no time left for friends.
  • Encourage participation in group activities. These activities are good a good way for your kid to meet others with similar interests and make friends.
  • Support your child with your words. Words can hurt. Don’t say your kid is shy, has no friends, or is mean. Don’t tease or ridicule him or her in front of friends. Instead, encourage the behavior you’d like to see, and be kind to your child and your child’s friends.