When Emma was intellectually and socially ready for preschool, she was 90 days too young for the 3-year-old program.
This firecracker of a little girl had been born on November 30, and although the state she lives in requires kindergartners to be 5 years old by December 1, Emma’s preschool used September 1 as its age cutoff. Emma’s mother Chris — a teacher herself — convinced the school to align its age requirements with the state’s in time for Emma to attend 4-year-old preschool, as she intended to enroll her daughter in kindergarten the following fall.
Chris was pleased with her daughter’s preschool progress, and was therefore taken aback when, toward the end of the year, the teacher suggested that Emma might not be ready for kindergarten after all.
“Her main issue was that because Emma is small for her age, she would always be the tiniest as well as youngest in her class,” Chris says.
Child Social Development Is Important
Emma’s parents didn’t think stature was a legitimate reason to hold a child back, and also disagreed with the teacher’s other critiques. “She said Emma wouldn’t initiate play, but I’ve seen her walk up to her big sister’s friends time and again,” Chris says. “She said Emma could only count to 5, but she counts past 40 at home.”
Chris walked out of that teacher meeting knowing in her heart that Emma was just as ready for kindergarten as the rest of the class, but found herself asking her husband, mother and friends, “What should we do?”
Emma’s parents have decided to trust their instincts and start their daughter in kindergarten this fall, but Chris knows there will be moments when she second-guesses herself.
“I’m afraid that the first time she gets stuck in math, I’m going to worry that it’s because she’s too young,” Chris says. “I feel like I’m always going to have that cloud of doubt that we started her too soon.”
Real Advice
What should Emma’s parents do about sending their young daughter off to kindergarten? EduGuide asked two experts: a preschool director and a kindergarten teacher.
Tracy Turner-Wolford, kindergarten teacher, Lakeside Elementary in South Grand Rapids, Michigan
I’ve met plenty of parents with this same concern. I tell them not to worry about the academics — there will be some children coming to kindergarten who know the alphabet and some who don’t, and we’re going to get every student where he or she needs to be.
I’m also not concerned about shyness. Those types of behaviors could very well be the child’s personality, and another year of preschool isn’t going to change that.
More critical to me is whether the child has self-help skills. Can she put on her shoes by herself? Can she zip her jacket? Can she handle the entire bathroom process alone? Not being able to do these things sets a younger child apart from her peers, and makes the transition to school very hard. The other children are very aware when a classmate acts young. They’ll ask me, “Why can’t he put on his own coat?” You don’t want your child to stand out in that way.
The key thing I tell parents is to go with their gut instinct. In the case of this family, they know their daughter better than a preschool teacher who’s only had her for nine months. If her parents feel she’s ready, she’s probably ready.
Stephanie Center, school director, Mayfair Co-op Preschool, Farmington Hills, Michigan
I had one little girl in my 4s class last year with an October birthday. She got to the end of the year and said, “I am not going to kindergarten. I’m staying at Mayfair.” The mother, who had been debating the choice, took this as the final vote and enrolled her daughter in our pre-K program. Now, a year later, this same girl is eager and ready for kindergarten — she just needed that extra time. There’s a lot to be said for checking in on how your child feels about the decision.
Beyond that, I always look at where students are socially and emotionally to determine readiness. Can they sit in a group of kids and focus on what the teacher is saying? Can they handle being away from their parents? Do they take directions from adults other than their mom?
A birthday can’t be your primary reason for deciding whether a child is ready for school — a child born December 1 could be way more ready than one born May 1.
Prior to preschool, a parent can get a good idea of how their kids will perform based on how they do at Sunday school or at their library’s story hour. These activities not only give kids practice in interacting with others and following directions, they give them a point of reference when it’s time to start school. Mom can say, “Preschool is a little like Sunday school. You’ll have fun and learn new things, and I’ll come back to get you at the end.”
Rebecca Kavanagh is contributing editor of START, EduGuide's early childhood publication written for families with children ages 0-5.