It is an awesome job to be a baby! You arrive with a lot of work ahead of you.

Newborn sleep might be your top priority and you may not be ready to eat, or you might be wakeful and very, very hungry. You will have to get used to many things -- sucking and swallowing, sleeping and waking, crying, looking, listening and letting those around you know what you want or need.

Your most important job is to build a relationship with your mommy and daddy. That will require a lot of your time and attention. They may not be quite ready for you -- especially if you arrived a few weeks too soon or you have to stay in the hospital for a while because the doctors are worried about you.

You may cry a lot or you may sleep much of the time. Or you may stay awake more often than any other baby your parents know. You may wake up every two or three hours all through the day and night.

There will be a lot of things your mommy and daddy need to learn about caring for infant babies in those first weeks and months after they take you home. But you are an amazing newborn and will help them figure out how to calm a baby and whatever else they need to do if only they are able to watch and listen to you.

Some mommies and daddies find it easy to pay attention and give a baby what she or he wants or needs. Other mommies and daddies find the challenge of early care close to impossible! Most fall somewhere in between. Your mommy may be very tired or anxious. Your daddy may be tired and anxious, too. They are so new at the job of being a parent. You'll have to help them.

You are such a powerful communicator! From the first breath or cry, you invite your mommy and daddy to look and listen, to touch the soft cheek, to inspect all fingers and toes. You work hard to capture their interest. An awkward stretch of the arms, a kick of the feet, a gurgle or sputter, a sneeze or a coo invites your mommy or daddy to pay attention to you and enter the wondrous world of relationships.

Building a Normal Baby Relationship

Building a relationship takes plenty of time and energy. The little things that you and your mommy or daddy do every day, moment to moment, are the building blocks -- looking at each other, smiling, cooing or talking, responding, reaching, holding, crying and comforting. At first, it seems like you may be doing all of the work! You squirm and squawk and fret a little. You open your eyes and flail your arms, as if waving to get their attention!

As you get a little bigger and stronger, you will find new ways to bring your mommy and daddy to you. You will stretch your arms out to be picked up. You will crawl after your mommy or daddy and even pull up to a stand in your crib and call out, “Mama!” or “Dada!” Your ever-changing abilities will bring them running to you.

You've helped them learn how to respond. If mommy comes, she will pick you up and talk to you, hold and comfort you, calling you "my little punkin." If daddy comes, he will sweep you in his arms and carry you into the next room: “You’re hungry, buddy! Let’s see what I can get you to eat.” You smile at each of them, secure in knowing that they are there, emotionally available, and trying hard to meet your wants and needs.

Content and feeling so secure, you know you have done your job! Together, you and your mommy and you and your daddy have built very important relationships.

Soon your mommy may not be so tired. Daddy may not be so overwhelmed at having a new baby in the house. Both are beginning to feel more confident about taking care of you. What a gift your relationship is to them! Isn’t life about relationships, secure and stable and sustaining?

Tips on Caring for Babies, Newborns

  • Respond sensitively and appropriately to your baby’s cries and smiles, babbles and coos, gestures and efforts to be with you 
  • Watch in wonder, listen to your baby 
  • Talk to your baby, sing, laugh, play simple and interactive games 
  • Allow your baby to “take the lead,” and follow what the baby wants to do
  • Read to your baby, beginning as soon as he can be comfortably held on your lap
  • Recognize your baby’s signals -- quiet down when she’s tired, interact when she wants to play, feed when she seems hungry, find an entertaining toy when she appears eager
  • Show your baby interesting playthings; sit down and play, too
  • Celebrate each “first” with enthusiasm -- first smile, first coo, first game, sitting up, crawling and walking
  • Know that you are your baby’s best “teacher” and that your relationship will support your baby’s growth and emotional health


Dr. Weatherson's Recommended Books

"Touchpoints: Your Child’s Emotional and Behavioral Development "by T. Berry Brazelton (1992) Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.

"Me, Myself and I: How Children Build their Sense of Self"by Kyle Pruett (2000) New York: Goddard Press.

"The Diary of a Baby" by Daniel Stern (1989) New York: Basic Books.

"The Birth of a Mother: How the Motherhood Experience Changes You Forever" by Daniel Stern and Nadia Bruschweiler-Stern (1998) Basic Books: New York.


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Zero to Three



Deborah Weatherston, Ph.D., is executive director of the Michigan Association for Infant Mental Health.