In a popular riddle, a father rushes his child to the emergency room, where the doctor exclaims, "Oh no – it’s my son!" Listeners often ponder the possibility of step-parents long before realizing that the doctor is a woman.

Gender equality may seem like old news. The "women's movement" of the 1960s and 1970s did change society's attitudes about women in the workforce. Recent data, however, suggests there is still a lot to be done regarding gender issues in children to ensure our daughters and sons will get equal treatment at work.

Higher Education: Gender Issues Still Exist

In April, 2008, The American Bar Association reported that a number of large law firms are losing women from high-level management positions. Those positions are not being filled by other women, leading some to suggest that women's gains in the workplace are slipping. Law school figures would seem to support this notion. In 2002, women occupied 49 percent of law school spots; in 2007, that number had dropped to 46.9 percent.

A 2006 report published by the Canadian Association of University Teachers using national statistics from 2003, found that women faculty at universities earned 86.6% of what men make to do the same job. The same report stated that in the United States, only 29.9% of the highest-ranked university professors are women.

Surely, parents are doing a better job today of raising their daughters and sons to value gender equality? Maybe, but maybe not.

A 1999 Swarthmore-College study found that despite major changes in gender roles, teenage girls devote more time to housework than boys do, a gender gap that increases during high school, when boys are able to spend more time on extracurricular and leisure activities.

The road to equality still begins at home, says Aileen Fortune, University of Maine Cooperative Extension Service associate professor and founder of The Gender Project. This is especially true during school-age years, when stereotypes increasingly creep into children’s lives.

Established in 1995, The Gender Project helps adults and children explore the effects of gender socialization in order to "help young people get beyond the often unhelpful messages they receive about what it means to be male and female today. …So many issues parents face--bullying, academic performance, children’s eating disorders--are shaped by attitudes about gender," Fortune says. "Adults can counteract this by insuring that all children learn a full repertoire of abilities--emotional as well as physical and mental ones. Otherwise, we give them half of what they need to live as adults."

We’re All in this Together

Discussions about gender equality often deny the issue--"we’re all the same and everything’s OK,"--or become a battle of the sexes, Fortune notes.

"Something that concerns me is when people misinterpret gender equality for sameness," says Fort Dodge, IA, mother of two Hilary Evans. "We need to find ways to celebrate each sex without cutting down the other."

Gender equality can’t come at the expense of either gender, Fortune agrees. "We’ve all been affected by society’s limited attitudes, and all need to learn how to listen to and respect each other."

Gender socialization is the way that adults teach children what it means to be male and female in a culture, says Fortune. "Ideally, we want them to grow up with the skills to be successful, responsible, and happy adults. These include a strong identity, being capable and confident in their abilities, and developing and maintaining healthy relationships."

She describes ways in which parents socialize children about gender as:

  • Responding to similar circumstances differently depending on a child’s sex 
  • Directing children’s attention to specific objects based on gender differences
  • Describing or naming identical behaviors differently according to a child’s gender 
  • Limiting activities a child is exposed to based on the child’s gender.

Walter and Rachel Webb of Hurricane, Utah, parents of daughters 10 and 7 and sons 6 and 2, see equality as partnership. "We don’t emphasize equality, we teach it through example," Rachel Webb says. "He cooks, cleans, does laundry and dishes as well as being a full partner in raising our children. I, in turn mow lawns, take out the garbage and enjoy working side by side with him building our home. The children are given age-appropriate jobs but gender is never considered when assigning chores."

Parents also reinforce equality by offering a variety of choices in such things as sports, hobbies, and arts without steering a child toward specific activities, says Webb. "When we asked our daughter what recreational activities she wanted to be involved in, football was one of her choices along with dance class."

Report Card: Schooled for Different Needs

While more effort is being made to equalize opportunity for girls and boys in outward activities, messages young people receive about their inner selves aren't always so balanced, Fortune says.

What do school-age children believe, and what does this show about gender socialization? The Gender Project conducted activities with more than 500 Maine students in grades 5 through 8 over the last several years to ask what children thought their lives would be like if they had been born the opposite sex. As they listened to each other, students learned:

  • Girls saw advantages of being a boy as being cool AND smart; not having to worry about their looks; speaking up more and not feeling nervous when they talk; being treated like strong, capable people; not having to worry about safety or rape; taking more risks, being taken more seriously; having better sports; and not having to worry about feelings and other people. Disadvantages included having fewer friends; having to act tough; not being able to cry; and not being as close to family and others. 
  • Boys saw advantages of being a girl as knowing more about their feelings; liking school more; getting better grades; not being picked on by teachers; having more friends; being closer to families and others; being able to talk more; and eating better and living longer. Disadvantages boys saw were having to worry too much about physical appearance; not doing fun sports; not being boss or holding better jobs; not being as good with their hands; respecting themselves less and getting less respect; having to worry about safety; having to be less outgoing and more polite; and having challenging feelings-–anger, crying, moodiness.

The goal of these studies was to discover where girls and boys are each getting what they need to be whole, and where they are hurting, says Fortune. "Their observations about each other show both the effects of socialization, and the ways in which adults need to offer special support to each gender."

Girls need active support to express their honest opinions and become visible leaders, to claim their intelligence and voice, and know that their success comes from their abilities and hard work, Fortune says. They need to know they can nurture their own esteem, think for themselves, challenge false, debilitating messages, and still maintain relationships. Boys need considerable support for developing the relational side of themselves, she notes, and need opportunities to identify their feelings, and develop appreciation for feelings as a part of everyone’s life. "They need to participate in mixed-gender groups that foster respect for individual members and the whole group, and opportunities to learn how to listen, empathize, and collaborate with others. We have to get beyond the divide that arises between school-age girls and boys, reinforced by stereotyped messages, which separates them off from opportunities to learn from each other," Fortune says.

For both sexes, says Evans, mother of a son, 4, and daughter, 2, "It's especially important to celebrate qualities that come naturally to people, regardless of whether they are deemed ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine.’"