Kid-sized problems range from a dropped pacifier to untied shoelaces. A big part of adolescent parenting is helping children figure out how to meet these challenges on their own. Learning types of problem-solving boosts self-confidence—and makes life easier for you! From infant games to toddlers activities and even house chores for preschoolers, there are teaching opportunities around every corner at each age and stage.
CRAWL
Purpose: To be mindful of instilling problem-solving skills during even the earliest months.
Play: Nonverbal babies are natural problem-solvers. A normal baby will realize pretty quickly that a well-timed wail will get him what he wants. But even beyond basic need-gratification, our littlest ones hone problem-solving skills with every shake of the rattle. The first time an infant makes a noise with his toy might be an accident, but it doesn’t take long for him to teach himself which actions will result in a sound repeating again and again and again. You can encourage this cause-and-effect play with busy boxes. These colorful baby teaching toys invite little fingers to wind, slide, click, push, and so on. An oldie-but-goodie in this category is a melodic jack-in-the-box. Look for models that are surprising but not scary, with cuddly animals or familiar characters popping up to say boo! One-on-one games such as peekaboo also strengthen early skills and don’t cost a dime.
Plus: Plenty of floor time—out of the playpen or bouncy chair—is crucial to brain stimulation. Provide a safe environment where your baby can explore his surroundings. Watch as he uses both the pincer grasp and a raking motion to pick up items. You can almost see the wheels turning as he examines everything nearby—or figures out how to get to things just beyond his reach. Learning to creep and crawl is some of a baby’s first problem-solving in motion!
WALK
Purpose: To model problem-solving approaches to little ones during this frustrating stage, when kids want to do more than they realistically can.
Play: It’s been said that a child’s play is her work. This is so true when it comes to gaining problem-solving skills. A simple box of building blocks provides endless possibilities for figuring things out. “As much as possible, stay away from electronic toys that do everything for the child,” says Oakland Schools’ Christine Boisvert. “The only problem these toys present to kids is figuring out how to get new batteries.” Boisvert prefers blocks, which offer constant challenges such as, “How can I build a ramp for my Matchbox car?” Snap-together types such as Legos and K’nex are great, but Boisvert recommends open-ended sets that allow for creativity rather than kits meant to build one specific spaceship or rollercoaster. Of course, all of these multiple-piece toys often result in misplaced items, and that presents another learning opportunity. When your child is missing a treasured item, coach her through the search process. Have her close her eyes and try to picture the last place she remembers playing with it. Then go look there together. Still missing? Make a list of all the places it could be, then methodically check those locations. “Going through these motions certainly takes longer than when the adult just finds it solo,” says Boisvert, “but by teaching these strategies, parents will spend less time looking for lost items in the future.”
Plus: When you encounter challenges in your own life, let your child in on your thought process. Let’s say you find yourself one egg short for tonight’s dinner recipe. You’ll probably run through several solutions in your mind before deciding what to do. Get in the habit of thinking aloud to model problem-solving: “Oops, I need another egg. Let’s see…I could try to make it work with what I have, but I don’t think it would taste right. I could run to the store, but then I’d have to wake your sister up from her nap. I could call Daddy and ask him to stop for eggs on his way home from work, but then we’d be eating dinner later than usual. I think I’ll ask our next-door neighbor if we can borrow an egg from her.” Doing this for even mundane issues such as which jacket to wear helps kids understand that grownups don’t just magically know how to do everything. We’re all solving problems throughout day.
RUN
Purpose: To set your child up for success, knowing when to step in and when to stand back.
Play: This is a great time to transfer simple household tasks to little hands, when “I do it myself” enthusiasm is high. Children thrive on responsibility, especially when jobs are presented as something they get to do rather than have to do. Figuring out how best to make their bed, feed the dog, or hang up their towel after a bath presents a near-endless supply of problem-solving opportunities. Be sure to provide training and the necessary tools, such as a sturdy stool for reaching the towel bar. And be careful to keep your expectations in line with your child’s abilities. Four-year-old hands will probably not make a bed with military precision—but that’s one less bed you’ll have to make yourself. When chores are done and it’s time to relax, check out educational websites such as www.playkidsgames.com, which is packed with free problem-solving games. As you’re reading picture books or watching TV shows and movies with your child, take note of how often stories revolve around the main character’s need to solve a problem. Don’t miss this discussion opportunity: “Why did Dora the Explorer need to cross the river? What would you have done if Swiper had taken your binoculars?” If friends are over, note how the kids work together to solve problems, both logistical ones (how to make a card-table fort) and interpersonal ones (how to smooth over hurt feelings). Playing with others helps children realize there is more than one right way to approach a challenge.
Plus: Have you ever heard your child talking her way through a challenging task? Too often, children are shushed by well-meaning adults who consider this behavior to be disruptive or a sign of immaturity. On the contrary, private speech has been shown by researchers to be a healthy—and some say essential—approach to problem-solving. As a bonus, by listening in on a child talking to herself, you can gain insight into her thought process and step in to help as necessary. Just be careful to offer support without taking over. For example, if she’s trying to dress her Barbie, you can slide the shirt over the doll’s arms, but let your daughter pull it down and fasten the Velcro. Experts call this act of purposefully arranging tasks to make them achievable “scaffolding for success.”