Bedtime is always a struggle when you have children. Are your children old enough to argue? Do the little ones whine? Wouldn’t it be nice if you had family ideas to make bedtime less stressful?

Try making nighttime family home activities into a ritual.

What, you say? A ritual? Can rituals be fun family activities?

Every morning you get out of bed and do the same thing to wake yourself up. Do you roll over every morning and hit the snooze button? Do you have to have that cup of coffee to wake up? Do you say the same things, eat the same foods morning after morning? Then those are morning rituals. You need some bedtime rituals!

To get started on making some bedtime rituals, here are some reasons why they’re important. When children know what to expect, this provides stability in their lives. Rituals become an important part of family life. Do you do the same thing every Thanksgiving or Christmas? That’s a ritual. Rituals are shared among the family members and help your family bond.

So let’s get started, but stop to think about it for a minute. Sleeping: That means that the children have to be separate from mom and dad.

Some do this all day and now they have to do it again? Other children are revved up and want to continue having fun. Still others might be afraid of the dark. Older children argue - just to argue. And don’t forget yourself. You haven’t seen your children all day – you might want to spend more time with them than an early bedtime allows.

The sooner you establish a bedtime ritual, the better. So let’s get started. 

The Beginning

Once something is established as the bedtime ritual in your child’s mind (and yours), then it becomes “the law.” Try to pick a ritual that you can stand to do night after night. Choose your rituals carefully, or you might live to regret them.

  • Pick a bedtime. Have each child know his bedtime. Don’t make it confrontational: you are the parent and bedtime is the time they go to bed. Say it firmly and quietly – you’re trying to stop those late night arguments, remember? And if you want them to stay up longer, don’t let it happen every night – be consistent with the scheduled time. Allow special circumstances to happen once in awhile to make those late nights special. 

Picking the Rituals

Finding the ritual that fits your family’s personality, your job times, your energy level and your children’s energy levels are going to be the most important parts to a successful bedtime ritual. Here are some bedtime rituals that have worked for others:

  • Read. Even if your children are older, read to them.
  • Talk. Even little children want to talk about what happened during the day. With your older children, an established ritual of talking to their parents helps with communicating fears and problems. Some children need to talk about what’s going to happen the next day. You might want to discuss plans for the following day and end on a happy thought to insure happy dreams.
  • Bathing. Some parents believe in bathing every night; some don’t. Decide what’s best for your family. A warm bath/shower is a good time-tested ritual that works. Right after the bath, warm pajamas are great to snuggle in.
  • Brushing. Good dental health is important. Make brushing their teeth an every night ritual.
  • Singing. Some people can sing and some can’t. Many children love music. Playing or singing one song each night (a different song - you’ll get tired of the same song quickly) has worked for many parents.
  • Special Friends. Being tucked in with a special blanket, dolly, or stuffed animal helps children feel secure. Since Mommy and Daddy can’t always be with them, these special things stay with children all night long. 

Do’s and Don’ts

After you’ve decided on your bedtime rituals, do be consistent. Don't start the ritual one night and then only do it once in awhile. Consistency is a good way to insure sanity during the bedtime process.

A lot of people love to plan things. Don't make your bedtime ritual too elaborate. Keep it simple and easy to understand. If the routine is longer than 30 minutes, that’s too long.

Life is not always going to cooperate with your bedtime rituals. Do be flexible. If your child is sick or going through a stressful time or something else is going on, bend the bedtime rules a little. Don’t completely throw them out – but change them a little bit.

Don't take away the bedtime ritual as a punishment. If your child does something wrong, don’t take the bedtime story away. That is part of the ritual and it needs to stay there. Keep the bedtime rituals sacred. Make the punishment something else.

Bedtime rituals are something that can help you and your family bond into a loving and communicative unit. Keeping the channels of communication open throughout your children’s lives is important. Making this part of the bedtime ritual helps insure that they know that you’ll listen.

Don't forget that older children, preteens and teens also love stability. Continue bedtime rituals as they grow older. These kids need the stability that the rituals insure. Don’t stop them just because the kids are older. Believe it or not, your children will miss them just as much as you do.