If your daughter says she is being bullied, take her seriously and listen carefully to what she says. The effects of bullying can be grave, but bullying can be overcome. Here are some ideas to help you and your daughter deal with bullies.
When a bully confronts your daughter, suggest your child do the following:
- Act confident (even if she isn’t). If the bully sees that your daughter appears confident and the bullying is not having the desired effect, the bully may give up.
- Ignore the bully and walk away. Walking away is difficult, but it can be very effective. Bullies rarely want to waste time bothering someone who doesn’t react.
- Be assertive but not aggressive. Speak directly to the bully and tell her to stop bullying. Remind your daughter that assertiveness is different from aggression. Physical contact is never acceptable, so no hitting.
- Find a friend. Always take a friend with her to classes, the bathroom, the lunchroom, and home (if she walks to school). Having a companion along will make her feel safer and more confident if a problem arises.
- Find a safe person. Find a trusted adult (teacher, counselor, administrator) at school that she can go to if she feels threatened. Also choose a back-up person in case the go-to person is absent.
Here are some other tactics to protect your daughter from bullying and help her deal with bullies:
- Be supportive. Make sure your daughter knows that you don't think she has brought the bullying on herself or that the bullying is in any way her fault.
- Involve dad or another positive male role model. Bullying may make your daughter feel insecure, but having a man in her life who is interested in her well-being can help build your daughter's elf-esteem.
- Keep a log. When bullying occurs, have your daughter tell you what happened, who was involved, when it happened, and where it happened. Be sure to write down every incident and keep a log of all the details.
- Make an appointment. Meet with the teachers, counselor, and principal (if necessary) to let them know about the bullying. Ask them to inform the other teachers about the situation so they can try to notice any suspicious behavior from the girls involved. Also find out what the school will do to help resolve the issue.
- Communicate openly and frequently. Ask your daughter about her day—every day. Who did she eat lunch with? Who did she hang out with at recess? Play a game of High-Low at the dinner table. Ask each member of the family what his or her high point and low point was for the day. If your daughter consistently responds with a low point that involves recess, friends, lunch, or “everything,” be alert for possible bullying.
- Do your homework. Inform yourself about the laws in your state designed to protect children from harassment at school and in the community. You can usually find information online or at your local library.
- Role play. Practice different types of bullying situations at home and ways to respond appropriately to each one. This will help her be more confident when she encounters bullies.
- Arrange play dates. Whether your daughter is six or sixteen, suggest she invite a friend over. If she is a teenager, you can take her and some friends to the movies or bowling, or have a movie night at your house.
- Suggest exercise. Sometimes getting out for a good run or brisk walk will improve your daughter's mood. Better yet, join her and talk about something that makes her feel good about herself.
- Be proactive. If you are looking for a new school, ask questions about bullying such as What is the school's policy about bullying? and What are the statistics about bullying at the school?
Sources:
kidshealth.org
education.com
menshealth.co.uk