ShortCuts in This Guide

• Help My Daughter Deal with a Bully
  If your daughter says she is being bullied, take her seriously and listen carefully to what she says. The effects of bullying can be grave, but bullying can be overcome. Here are some ideas to help you and your daughter deal with bullies.

  When a bully confronts your daughter, suggest your child do the following:

  • Act confident (even if she isn’t). If the bully sees that your daughter appears confident and the bullying is not having the desired effect, the bully may give up.
  • Ignore the bully and walk away. Walking away is difficult, but it can  be very effective. Bullies rarely want to waste time bothering someone who doesn’t react.
  • Be assertive but not aggressive. Speak directly to the bully and tell her to stop bullying. Remind your daughter that assertiveness is different from aggression. Physical contact is never acceptable, so no hitting.
  • Find a friend. Always take a friend with her to classes, the bathroom, the lunchroom, and home (if she walks to school). Having a companion along will make her feel safer and more confident if a problem arises.
  • Find a safe person. Find a trusted adult (teacher, counselor, administrator) at school that she can go to if she feels threatened. Also choose a back-up person in case the go-to person is absent.

  Here are some other tactics to protect your daughter from bullying and help her deal with bullies:

  • Be supportive. Make sure your daughter knows that you don't think she has brought the bullying on herself or that the bullying is in any way her fault.
  • Involve dad or another positive male role model. Bullying may make your daughter feel insecure, but having a man in her life who is interested in her well-being can help build your daughter's elf-esteem.
  • Keep a log. When bullying occurs, have your daughter tell you what happened, who was involved, when it happened, and where it happened. Be sure to write down every incident and keep a log of all the details.
  • Make an appointment. Meet with the teachers, counselor, and principal (if necessary) to let them know about the bullying. Ask them to inform the other teachers about the situation so they can try to notice any suspicious behavior from the girls involved. Also find out what the school will do to help resolve the issue.
  • Communicate openly and frequently. Ask your daughter about her day—every day. Who did she eat lunch with? Who did she hang out with at recess? Play a game of High-Low at the dinner table. Ask each member of the family what his or her high point and low point was for the day. If your daughter consistently responds with a low point that involves recess, friends, lunch, or “everything,” be alert for possible bullying.
  • Do your homework. Inform yourself about the laws in your state designed to protect children from harassment at school and in the community. You can usually find information online or at your local library.
  • Role play. Practice different types of bullying situations at home and ways to respond appropriately to each one. This will help her be more confident when she encounters bullies.
  • Arrange play dates. Whether your daughter is six or sixteen, suggest she invite a friend over. If she is a teenager, you can take her and some friends to the movies or bowling, or  have a movie night at your house.
    
  • Suggest exercise. Sometimes getting out for a good run or brisk walk will improve your daughter's mood. Better yet, join her and talk about something that makes her feel good about herself.
  • Be proactive. If you are looking for a new school, ask questions about bullying such as What is the school's policy about bullying? and What are the statistics about bullying at the school?
    

  Sources:
  kidshealth.org
  education.com
  menshealth.co.uk

• Help My Daughter Deal with a Bully

  If your daughter says she is being bullied, take her seriously and listen carefully to what she says. The effects of bullying can be grave, but bullying can be overcome. Here are some ideas to help you and your daughter deal with bullies.

  When a bully confronts your daughter, suggest your child do the following:

  • Act confident (even if she isn’t). If the bully sees that your daughter appears confident and the bullying is not having the desired effect, the bully may give up.
  • Ignore the bully and walk away. Walking away is difficult, but it can  be very effective. Bullies rarely want to waste time bothering someone who doesn’t react.
  • Be assertive but not aggressive. Speak directly to the bully and tell her to stop bullying. Remind your daughter that assertiveness is different from aggression. Physical contact is never acceptable, so no hitting.
  • Find a friend. Always take a friend with her to classes, the bathroom, the lunchroom, and home (if she walks to school). Having a companion along will make her feel safer and more confident if a problem arises.
  • Find a safe person. Find a trusted adult (teacher, counselor, administrator) at school that she can go to if she feels threatened. Also choose a back-up person in case the go-to person is absent.

  Here are some other tactics to protect your daughter from bullying and help her deal with bullies:

  • Be supportive. Make sure your daughter knows that you don't think she has brought the bullying on herself or that the bullying is in any way her fault.
  • Involve dad or another positive male role model. Bullying may make your daughter feel insecure, but having a man in her life who is interested in her well-being can help build your daughter's elf-esteem.
  • Keep a log. When bullying occurs, have your daughter tell you what happened, who was involved, when it happened, and where it happened. Be sure to write down every incident and keep a log of all the details.
  • Make an appointment. Meet with the teachers, counselor, and principal (if necessary) to let them know about the bullying. Ask them to inform the other teachers about the situation so they can try to notice any suspicious behavior from the girls involved. Also find out what the school will do to help resolve the issue.
  • Communicate openly and frequently. Ask your daughter about her day—every day. Who did she eat lunch with? Who did she hang out with at recess? Play a game of High-Low at the dinner table. Ask each member of the family what his or her high point and low point was for the day. If your daughter consistently responds with a low point that involves recess, friends, lunch, or “everything,” be alert for possible bullying.
  • Do your homework. Inform yourself about the laws in your state designed to protect children from harassment at school and in the community. You can usually find information online or at your local library.
  • Role play. Practice different types of bullying situations at home and ways to respond appropriately to each one. This will help her be more confident when she encounters bullies.
  • Arrange play dates. Whether your daughter is six or sixteen, suggest she invite a friend over. If she is a teenager, you can take her and some friends to the movies or bowling, or  have a movie night at your house.
    
  • Suggest exercise. Sometimes getting out for a good run or brisk walk will improve your daughter's mood. Better yet, join her and talk about something that makes her feel good about herself.
  • Be proactive. If you are looking for a new school, ask questions about bullying such as What is the school's policy about bullying? and What are the statistics about bullying at the school?
    

  Sources:
  kidshealth.org
  education.com
  menshealth.co.uk
• Stop My Daughter from Bullying
  What should you do if you notice your daughter acting like a bully or if a teacher or another kid's parent calls you and says your daughter is bullying someone? These suggestions can help.
  

  • Listen with open ears. When a teacher or another parent describes your daughter's bullying behavior, it’s natural to react defensively or deny that your child is capable of bullying, but it’s important to take a deep breath and really listen to what the person has to say.
  • Keep things in perspective. When talking to the parents of the victim, discuss the issue in a mature, respectful way. It is appropriate to say, for example, “Please don’t label my child or call her names. Just explain what happened.” Remember that this discussion is about the well-being of the victim. It's not an attack on your parenting skills.
  • Try to be understanding. Your daughter’s adolescent behaviors may come from feeling vulnerable, as ironic as it seems. Try to discover what might be going on in her life that is making her bully. Has there been a major change or death in your family? Are there other family pressures she might be reacting to? Stress in children can change their behavior drastically.
  • Teach control. When you discuss your daughter 's behavior with her, don’t blame her. Emphasize that she is responsible for her own behavior and that anger in children is a normal feeling we have all experienced but one we must control. Teach your daughter alternative ways to deal with aggression such as exercising to work off excess energy (this will be more effective if you do it with her) or spending some time alone listening to music to relieve stress.
  • Reinforce kindness. Encourage her (and help her) to do one nice thing for three different people every day, such as helping tutor a younger student, doing some chores to help a neighbor, or spending time with an older relative. This activity helps shift the mind from negative behavior to positive behavior, and it can be very effective. Be sure to model kindness yourself.
  • Seek help. If you believe that your daughter is bullying other girls, get her some help as soon as possible. Meet with her pediatrician or family doctor, teachers, counselor, and principal to create a plan to help your daughter work through her problems and get to the root of the bullying. If the bullying persists and all parties agree she needs professional help, ask her doctor to recommend a therapist in your area who specializes in adolescents, preferably one who has treated bullies.

• Stop My Daughter from Bullying

  What should you do if you notice your daughter acting like a bully or if a teacher or another kid's parent calls you and says your daughter is bullying someone? These suggestions can help.
  

  • Listen with open ears. When a teacher or another parent describes your daughter's bullying behavior, it’s natural to react defensively or deny that your child is capable of bullying, but it’s important to take a deep breath and really listen to what the person has to say.
  • Keep things in perspective. When talking to the parents of the victim, discuss the issue in a mature, respectful way. It is appropriate to say, for example, “Please don’t label my child or call her names. Just explain what happened.” Remember that this discussion is about the well-being of the victim. It's not an attack on your parenting skills.
  • Try to be understanding. Your daughter’s adolescent behaviors may come from feeling vulnerable, as ironic as it seems. Try to discover what might be going on in her life that is making her bully. Has there been a major change or death in your family? Are there other family pressures she might be reacting to? Stress in children can change their behavior drastically.
  • Teach control. When you discuss your daughter 's behavior with her, don’t blame her. Emphasize that she is responsible for her own behavior and that anger in children is a normal feeling we have all experienced but one we must control. Teach your daughter alternative ways to deal with aggression such as exercising to work off excess energy (this will be more effective if you do it with her) or spending some time alone listening to music to relieve stress.
  • Reinforce kindness. Encourage her (and help her) to do one nice thing for three different people every day, such as helping tutor a younger student, doing some chores to help a neighbor, or spending time with an older relative. This activity helps shift the mind from negative behavior to positive behavior, and it can be very effective. Be sure to model kindness yourself.
  • Seek help. If you believe that your daughter is bullying other girls, get her some help as soon as possible. Meet with her pediatrician or family doctor, teachers, counselor, and principal to create a plan to help your daughter work through her problems and get to the root of the bullying. If the bullying persists and all parties agree she needs professional help, ask her doctor to recommend a therapist in your area who specializes in adolescents, preferably one who has treated bullies.
• Help My Daughter Cope with Cyber Bullying
  If your child is being bullied over the Internet or through other kinds of information technology (that is, cyber bullied), take these steps.
  

  • Contact the bully's parents. As calmly as possible, tell them about the cyber bullying and describe its effects on your daughter. Explain that you will be contacting the school with the information. If the bully's parents don't seem to be taking the problem seriously, add that you will notify the police authorities if necessary.
  • Change your daughter’s email address, cell phone number, passwords, and so on. Make sure she understands that she is never to give her passwords to any of her friends no matter what the circumstances are or how trustworthy she believes her friends to be. Once she has a new cell phone number and email address, she should share them only with her close friends and family.
  • Contact the school. If both girls go to the same school and if the cyber bullying has already been going on for a while, contact the school and let them know what is happening. They may have some suggestions for how to help. If they are aware of the situation, they can also monitor the cyber bully's behavior when the girls are at school.
  • Keep personal information private. Remind your daughter not to give out personal information over the Internet.
  • Don’t respond. If your teen receives a threatening message or some other type of bullying behavior online or on her cell phone, tell her not to respond. The bully is trying to get a reaction from her and she takes away the bully’s power when she fails to respond.
  • Don’t forward. If your daughter receives an email or any other electronic communication about someone else that is hostile or defamatory, make sure she knows not to forward it to anyone. Remind  her that if she does, she could find herself in just as much trouble as the person who sent it to her. Your daughter should contact a responsible adult and show that person any communication she receives that she feels is inappropriate.
  • Keep records. Be sure to keep every example of cyber bullying that your daughter receives. Make sure the date and source of the communication are clear. Keep this information organized in a file to use as proof at a later date if you need it.
  • Do your research. Search online or contact your local police department to find out what the cyber bullying laws are in your state. Many states are creating tougher laws to help kids understand the seriousness of cyber bullying.
  • Join with other parents. Join an existing group focused on cyber bullying or form one to research and discuss this form of social violence and then take steps to address it.

  
  
  Sources:
  stopcyberbullying.org
  girlshealth.gov
  

• Help My Daughter Cope with Cyber Bullying

  If your child is being bullied over the Internet or through other kinds of information technology (that is, cyber bullied), take these steps.
  

  • Contact the bully's parents. As calmly as possible, tell them about the cyber bullying and describe its effects on your daughter. Explain that you will be contacting the school with the information. If the bully's parents don't seem to be taking the problem seriously, add that you will notify the police authorities if necessary.
  • Change your daughter’s email address, cell phone number, passwords, and so on. Make sure she understands that she is never to give her passwords to any of her friends no matter what the circumstances are or how trustworthy she believes her friends to be. Once she has a new cell phone number and email address, she should share them only with her close friends and family.
  • Contact the school. If both girls go to the same school and if the cyber bullying has already been going on for a while, contact the school and let them know what is happening. They may have some suggestions for how to help. If they are aware of the situation, they can also monitor the cyber bully's behavior when the girls are at school.
  • Keep personal information private. Remind your daughter not to give out personal information over the Internet.
  • Don’t respond. If your teen receives a threatening message or some other type of bullying behavior online or on her cell phone, tell her not to respond. The bully is trying to get a reaction from her and she takes away the bully’s power when she fails to respond.
  • Don’t forward. If your daughter receives an email or any other electronic communication about someone else that is hostile or defamatory, make sure she knows not to forward it to anyone. Remind  her that if she does, she could find herself in just as much trouble as the person who sent it to her. Your daughter should contact a responsible adult and show that person any communication she receives that she feels is inappropriate.
  • Keep records. Be sure to keep every example of cyber bullying that your daughter receives. Make sure the date and source of the communication are clear. Keep this information organized in a file to use as proof at a later date if you need it.
  • Do your research. Search online or contact your local police department to find out what the cyber bullying laws are in your state. Many states are creating tougher laws to help kids understand the seriousness of cyber bullying.
  • Join with other parents. Join an existing group focused on cyber bullying or form one to research and discuss this form of social violence and then take steps to address it.

  
  
  Sources:
  stopcyberbullying.org
  girlshealth.gov
  
• Get Help with Bullying from My Daughter's School
  If your daughter is being bullied at school, there are plenty of steps you and the school can take to remedy the problem. Here’s what you need to know about getting help for your child and about school policies for preventing bullying.
  

  Stop Bullying Now

  • Set up a meeting. First meet with the appropriate teachers and the principal as soon as you can and have your child explain what is happening to her. If you don’t think your concerns are being taken seriously enough, contact the school counselor and superintendent and meet with them.
  • Take notes. At the meeting, record everything the school personnel promises to do. Before the meeting ends, repeat your list of expectations and make sure everyone agrees.
  • What about the bully? Be sure the school is also meeting with the bully and her/his parents. Ask what type of punishment she/he will receive and what the next step will be if the bullying happens again. Follow up to make sure the school is executing its plan.
  • Consider counseling. If the school has a counselor on staff, have your daughter meet with him or her. You may want to be present for the first meeting and then let your daughter meet with the counselor independently. Also ask the school what type of counseling is available for the bully and suggest that the bully’s parents be informed about counseling.
  • Write a letter. If you’ve contacted the school and met with administrators and the bullying continues, write a letter to the superintendent and copy the teacher, principal, and counselor. Include copies of any evidence (notes, emails, photos) of the bullying.
  • Be persistent. Be your daughter’s advocate and do your best to protect her from the effects of bullying. Contact the administrators several times if your concerns are not being addressed and the problem continues.
  • Be informed. Learn the anti-bullying laws in your state at stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov.
  • Contact the bully’s parents. Discussing the problem with the bully’s parents may be very helpful, but only if you are calm and reasonable.
  • Find a safe person. Identify at least one person at school (a teacher, principal, or staff assistant) that your child can go to at any time if she needs to.

  Prevent Bullying before It Starts

  • Ask about bully prevention. Many schools have adopted bully prevention programs and have trained teachers to stop bullying before it starts. Find out what type of training your school is providing.
  • Training for parents. Are parents encouraged to be involved in bullying prevention? If not, suggest that the school bring in guest speakers and conduct anti-bullying workshops for parents.
  • Help for bystanders. Teaching kids to speak up and help when their classmates are being bullied is tough to do. Be sure your school offers training for all students so they know what to do if they witness bullying.
  • Security. Be sure your school has working security cameras throughout the school that are checked regularly. In addition, teachers should routinely check hallways and bathrooms to make sure all areas of the school are safe.
  • Shop around. If you’re researching new schools, do your homework before you meet with administrators. Look for schools and teachers who reward children for being kind and have zero tolerance for bullying. Ask specific questions about bullying, such as, What is your policy on bullying? and How are kids who bully punished?

• Get Help with Bullying from My Daughter's School

  If your daughter is being bullied at school, there are plenty of steps you and the school can take to remedy the problem. Here’s what you need to know about getting help for your child and about school policies for preventing bullying.
  

  Stop Bullying Now

  • Set up a meeting. First meet with the appropriate teachers and the principal as soon as you can and have your child explain what is happening to her. If you don’t think your concerns are being taken seriously enough, contact the school counselor and superintendent and meet with them.
  • Take notes. At the meeting, record everything the school personnel promises to do. Before the meeting ends, repeat your list of expectations and make sure everyone agrees.
  • What about the bully? Be sure the school is also meeting with the bully and her/his parents. Ask what type of punishment she/he will receive and what the next step will be if the bullying happens again. Follow up to make sure the school is executing its plan.
  • Consider counseling. If the school has a counselor on staff, have your daughter meet with him or her. You may want to be present for the first meeting and then let your daughter meet with the counselor independently. Also ask the school what type of counseling is available for the bully and suggest that the bully’s parents be informed about counseling.
  • Write a letter. If you’ve contacted the school and met with administrators and the bullying continues, write a letter to the superintendent and copy the teacher, principal, and counselor. Include copies of any evidence (notes, emails, photos) of the bullying.
  • Be persistent. Be your daughter’s advocate and do your best to protect her from the effects of bullying. Contact the administrators several times if your concerns are not being addressed and the problem continues.
  • Be informed. Learn the anti-bullying laws in your state at stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov.
  • Contact the bully’s parents. Discussing the problem with the bully’s parents may be very helpful, but only if you are calm and reasonable.
  • Find a safe person. Identify at least one person at school (a teacher, principal, or staff assistant) that your child can go to at any time if she needs to.

  Prevent Bullying before It Starts

  • Ask about bully prevention. Many schools have adopted bully prevention programs and have trained teachers to stop bullying before it starts. Find out what type of training your school is providing.
  • Training for parents. Are parents encouraged to be involved in bullying prevention? If not, suggest that the school bring in guest speakers and conduct anti-bullying workshops for parents.
  • Help for bystanders. Teaching kids to speak up and help when their classmates are being bullied is tough to do. Be sure your school offers training for all students so they know what to do if they witness bullying.
  • Security. Be sure your school has working security cameras throughout the school that are checked regularly. In addition, teachers should routinely check hallways and bathrooms to make sure all areas of the school are safe.
  • Shop around. If you’re researching new schools, do your homework before you meet with administrators. Look for schools and teachers who reward children for being kind and have zero tolerance for bullying. Ask specific questions about bullying, such as, What is your policy on bullying? and How are kids who bully punished?