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avatarVicky
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how to deal with a 6 year old girl's defiant behavior

my 6 yr. old is from a divorced home. she is defiant with me, not listening, whining, will throw a tantrum if she does not want to do what is asked of her, hates school, only wants to be with her dad, say's I'm mean and I don't love her, will not stay in her room when she misbehaves, will not sit down on a chair for a time out.

Question applies to ages: 6

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avatarJenny.eduguide
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Financial Aid for College, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Parenting Support, Parents and Schools, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Transitions and Readiness, Study Skills and Academic StrategiesTop 5 in 12 Topics		 I think I may have the world's most stubborn 7 and 6 year olds, so I may know a little something about this. The trick is consistency and this is going to be hard since there are two households involved, but in time she will understand that these are the rules when she's at your house and if she follows the rules she'll have a much more pleasant time.

My daughter never wanted to stay in her time out either. I had to keep putting back in her chair and putting her back and putting her back. You see, the reason she keeps getting up is because she knows that eventually you'll give in and let her. You have to just explain that each time she gets up, her time starts all over again. She has to set in that chair for a full six minutes before time out is over. That might mean putting her back and putting her back and putting back - for hours. But, eventually, she WILL stay in that chair. And then next time, it will only take one hour to get her to sit and then half an hour and it will get easier until you will almost never need to use the time out chair.

Trust me on this, I'm on my fourth child, and it was the same with all of them. As for telling you that you are mean and don't love her, it is just a guilt tactic. People think that mothers have the market cornered on that, but kids are pretty good at it too. They all tell you they hate you and you should stop being mean to them, but they don't mean it (they might think they do at the time), but later on that night when they are cuddling with you, you know the truth.

Of course, this would all work better if you could get your husband to be as consistent, but I doubt that will be the case. You just have to stand your ground and speaking also as a step-mom, one day she will be grateful to have at least one household where she knows the rules and what to expect.

Good luck!
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