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avatar Anonymous

i gave into peer pressure and i need help. :(

well i got into alot of trouble because of peer pressure and i feel horrible and ashamed of myself. how could i feel better about myself? should i still be friends with the girl who pressured me and always seems to be getting us both into trouble?

Question applies to ages: 12, 18

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avatarJenny.eduguide
# of Thumbs Up Received (77)
Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Financial Aid for College, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Parenting Support, Parents and Schools, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Transitions and Readiness, Study Skills and Academic StrategiesTop 5 in 12 Topics		 I think you already know the answer to whether or not you should still be friends with this girl. First of all, what kind of a friend sets you up to get into trouble? But secondly, and more importantly, what kind of friend are you to yourself if you give in and do things you know are not right?

The only way to begin to feel better about yourself as a person is to work to improve yourself. Take whatever punishment you were given and accept it with grace. Do what you can to right whatever wrongs you may have done and do your best to earn back the trust you lost.

Please remember that sometimes a "trouble-maker" like your friend needs a strong friend like you to stand your ground and say, "NO, we should not do this," to keep you both out of trouble. If you find that you can't change your friend, and instead it is you who is changing, then perhaps it is time to end your friendship.

References:
Mother of a teen with friends who have similar issues
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avatarMaryKat
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Books and Reading # of Thumbs Up Received (1)		 The fact that you feel ashamed means that you know what you did was wrong. Give yourself credit for that, at least. It's step one to feeling better about yourself (and the first step in not repeating the bad behavior). The second step is to take responsibility for your actions. Face your bad decision -- don't blame it on "the girl who pressured me." That's a cop out. Your actions are your own. If you need to apologize to someone, do it as soon as you can. If you can make up for your action, do that, too.
But remember, you are a human being and human beings make mistakes. We all do things that we regret. Face your actions, try to make amends, and then move on. And do better. I know you can.

References:
A fellow human being who occasionally does stuff she's ashamed of, too.
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avatarBridgette
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Growth and Development, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and SchoolsTop 5 in 7 Topics		 How can you feel better about yourself?

That's a tough one, one you'll probably spend the rest of your life learning how to do--at least, most people I know have to work on that for all of their lives.

All of us are flawed, it's what makes us interesting, it's what gives us something to strive for, and it is what makes us interdependent with others. Because we are flawed, we need each other for support, inspiration, and wisdom.

Of course, as you've learned, sometimes the influence of others can be negative as well--for our friends are as flawed as we are.

Take some time to understand for yourself why you did something that you find despicable. Understanding why we do something helps us to not do it again in the future. Be gentle with yourself, but also be unsparingly honest. Apologize where you need to. Make amends where you need to. Take responsibility for your own actions--no matter what anyone else said or did.

Good luck--and take care of yourself.
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