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should i get involved when students want to fight my child after school



Question applies to ages: 14

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avatarJudy
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Bullying and Violence # of Thumbs Up Received (2)		 The question really isn't "should you" but "how should you" get involved.

My son's karate school offers a "defeat the bully" program which teaches kids how to deal with situations like this one. The program is offered by many other karate schools around the nation and is usually offered for free at schools. You might want to look around to see if there is something similar in your area.

That's a long-term approach, but you need to intervene sooner rather than later. First, you need to speak to your child about what else is going on -- why these other students might want to fight your child. What makes your child stand out from the crowd that he or she is attracting their attention.

Next you should contact the school. I'd recommend speaking privately to the guidance counselor or principal. Get their input into group dynamics at the school and in the neighborhood.

Finally, I would recommend that, if at all possible, you arrange for you child not to be alone after school until you have more information and can help your child make a plan to deal with this situation.

References:
Mother of 3 boys.
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avatarBridgette
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Growth and Development, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and SchoolsTop 5 in 7 Topics		 Just today I got a call from my husband telling me that we once again had an incident with a boy who is trying to attack our son. Earlier in the year, my husband witnessed him tackling our son and there has been a series of incidents.

The route we chose was to go to the school directly and we have been extremely pleased with the efforts that the administration has taken. They've dealt directly with the child doing the bullying and they've also brought in counselors and instituted a restorative justice program.

Communicating with the school helps provide them with information they need to respond to these types of incidents. I encourage you to be a partner with your school and to go to them asking what you and the school can do together to put an end to school violence.

One way that we show our children that violence is not an acceptable way to solve their problems is to respond when other people are violent with them. Yes, we can teach them to deal with the violence, but we can also model that we find violence unacceptable by getting involved.

I remember when I was growing up that kids getting beat up were fairly common and it was treated as a rite of passage. I think it's why it is difficult as a parent to know whether we should get involved--we remember that parental involvement was sometimes embarrassing. However, I think the benefits to the child's well-being (emotionally, socially, and physically) far outweigh what might be a temporary embarrassment.
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