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avatar Mark

As a father, how should I handle my daughter

My daughter likes to sometimes touch Daddy's private area - she thinks its funny. I don't want to make a big deal out of it but it leaves me feeling uncomfortable. My reaction and behavior is becoming obvious to her (making it a big deal without saying anything). Any thoughts?

Question applies to ages: 4


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avatarJenny.eduguide If you are not talking this through with her then she has no idea that it is making you feel uncomfortable. My husband and I like to explain it to our kids like this: No one but you is allowed to touch you in your "swimsuit area." That is a private area and it makes people uncomfortable when others touch it.

Please be sure to explain this to her in a way that doesn't sound like you are accusing her of anything, the last thing we want to do is make our children feel guilty about being naturally curious.

Also, how old is your daughter? The age of your child will determine whether this behavior is just curiosity or something more serious.
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avatar Brenda Nixon I see (or it's posted) that this question relates to age 4. So I'm guessing your daughter is around that age. If so, rest assured preschoolers are learning about opposites; in gender, in seasons, colors, shapes, etc. So her curiosity is probably not sexual as much as it's a normal phase of development. However, it is proving an effective way to get your attention, right? If you see the oncoming hand, reach out and grab it. Hold her hand so she can't make physical contact.

Like many preschoolers, she's learning appropriate social behavior -- how to get attention and what is the correct attention to seek. If she's just hitting at it because it's conveniently located around her height, then it's innocent albeit inappropriate. This is temporary, and with your help, she'll learn appropriate ways to gain attention. She may think its funny to touch you there, but you can teach her otherwise.

Much depends upon your definition of "touch" Daddy's private area. If by "touch," you mean momentary holding or caressing, then you're right to feel uncomfortable and her behavior suggests a concern that a counseling professional can address.

References:
Brenda Nixon, M.A., www.BrendaNixon.com
Speaker/Author of The Birth to Five Book (Revell)
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