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Does she have Aspergers Syndrome or is she just bad?

My child is showing signs of Aspergers syndrome and we have been informed that she is delayed in her fine motor skills by her preschool teacher. We are trying to get help for her but we are running into road blocks with our pediatrician. We have tried to contact the abilites center in our area for help, but we only receive a voicemail with a promise to return our call within 1 week, which doesnt happen. We are concerned because she is supposed to start kindergarten in the fall and still cannot use a fork properly, write any letters, and has trouble in social situations. She is smart as a whistle though and I just feel helpless.

We also have all kinds of behavior problems with her, like meltdowns over not being able to watch her fathers car leave the garage or not getting something for her fast enough. She also throw things and cries but smiles at the same time. She used to bite and would still grind her teeth if her dentist didnt have to pull the two teeth needed to grind, because of decay (caused by the grinding). We feel helpless. Can anyone help or at least tell us if we are on the right track.

Question applies to ages: 4

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avatarElizabeth.Johns
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Top 5 in: Choosing College, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Summer Learning and Camps, Teens and Jobs, Transitions and Readiness, Motivating StudentsTop 5 in 16 Topics		 First of all, no child is "just bad," especially not at age 4. Second, your child might have Asperger's Syndrome, but it might take some time to get that diagnosis.

If your child is going to be entering kindergarten next year, I believe that you can request an evaluation from the school district and they need to respond within 60 days. In the meantime, if your pediatrician is being a stumbling block, ask for a referral to a developmental pediatriation or developmental psychologist or psychiatrist. Most regular pediatricians are not equipped to have the first clue about autism spectrum disorders, of which Asperger's is one.

Smart as a whistle, trouble in social situations, difficulty with fine motor skills, and meltdowns over seemingly trivial things could be part of Asperger's. The crying and smiling at the same time also sounds like it could be Asperger's--these kids have a hard time with displaying emotions correctly. You might need to "play detective" to figure out the meaning of some of her behavior problems. With autism and Asperger's, behavior equals communication. It may be that if she doesn't see her father's car leave the garage, she doesn't know for certain that he is gone, and that uncertaintly causes her great distress. Aspie kids are very rigid about routines, and if watching her dad's car leave the garage is part of her morning routine, of course she is going to melt down if that routine is altered. In her mind, it may be that the next thing (whether that's eating breakfast, getting her shoes on, or brushing her teeth) can NOT happen if she hasn't seen her dad leave. This makes no sense to you and me, but in her brain, it makes perfect sense.

I'm not going to lie to you: figuring out an Asperger's child is emotionally and psychologically draining, and also physically exhausting, but there are TONS of support resources available to you to help, and also lots of web sites and support groups out there. There's a terrific discussion form/support board on iVillage for parents of kids with Asperger's and PDD-NOS. Tony Attwood's book on Aspeger's is considered the bible for parents of Aspie kids, and Jessica Kingsley Publishers (www.jkp.com) has probably the most extensive selection of resources for families dealing with Asperger's out there.

All that said, kids with Asperger's can be amazing and wonderful and delightful, once you begin to figure them out. They see the world in unique ways, are usually brutally honest, and are creative problem solvers. People like Einstein, Newton, Vincent Van Gogh, Thomas Jefferson, and Bill Gates are among those thought to have Asperger's. Not bad company to be in.

Good luck to you and many hugs for strength and perseverance to get the help you and your child need.

References:
mom to a 16-year-old son with Asperger's Syndrome (diagnosed at age 5-6)
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