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avatar Anonymous

Is it unreasonable or intruding on privacy to ask my 16 y.o. son who he's going out with when he says "he's going to hang out with friends?"

Do you think it is unreasonable or intruding on privacy if I ask my 16 y.o. son who he's going out with when he says "he's going out to hang out with some friends?" He generally just says "Nobody" or "People" and I insist on names of friends, just in case something happens. That way I at least know where he was and who he was with (or supposed to be with). My husband says I am being unreasonable, that he is 16 and if he wants to go hang out in town, we should just trust him and not have to ask him for names of people. To me, it's not a matter of trust but responsible parenting to know who he is hanging out with. Am I being too paranoid or invading his privacy?

Question applies to ages: 16

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avatarElizabeth.Johns
# of Thumbs Up Received (76)
Top 5 in: Choosing College, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Summer Learning and Camps, Teens and Jobs, Transitions and Readiness, Motivating StudentsTop 5 in 16 Topics		 I don't think it's unreasonable, but I also don't think you need to absolutely insist on knowing as a condition of his going out, unless you've been having a problem with him hanging out with unsavory people.

I think more important than who he's with is knowing where he's going. That way, if something happens, you know where to find him. I'd also insist that he have a cell phone with him and on, in case you need to reach him.

Just to let you know, I have teens who are 16 and 18, and they almost never just "hang out." They usually have a purpose when they go out, whether it's go to the movies, hit the Dairy Queen for ice cream, play Guitar Hero at a friend's house, or check out the latest manga at the mall bookstore. I don't really encourage "hanging out."

References:
mom to three teen boys-18, 16 and 13
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avatarTrazon
# of Thumbs Up Received (1)		 i am not a parent but i do know that the more questions my mom asks me the less i want to tell her. I honestly dont think you are unreasonable. I know that at my age (im 17) there are so many not so good things to do and if i knew my child was tempted to do those things i would def. be asking a lot of questions.

References:
kid 17
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avatarLizInHolt
# of Thumbs Up Received (78)
Top 5 in: Career Training, Choosing College, Depression and Mental Health, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Health and Wellness, Home Learning and Field Trips, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Setting Goals and Getting Motivated, Study Skills and Academics, Transitions and Readiness, Students' Civil RightsTop 5 in 18 Topics		 No, it's definitely NOT unreasonable! He's not an adult, he's still a kid, and you're his mom. You have not only the right but an obligation to know where he's going and with whom. That is, indeed, responsible parenting. You don't need to ask it like an inquisition, but just treat it casually...."Oh, what people?" Maybe make a small joke to keep it light. Especially at 16 with boys just getting their driver's license, it's a particularly good time to remain vigilant - to know who's driving, where they're going, and when he'll be home. When he's 18, that's another matter but for now, I think you're doing absolutely the right thing!
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