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how do i get my 6yo to go to sleep by himself?

we got into the bad habit of laying with him until he fell asleep...how do i get out of it?

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avatarElizabeth.Johns
# of Thumbs Up Received (77)
Top 5 in: Choosing College, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Summer Learning and Camps, Teens and Jobs, Transitions and Readiness, Motivating StudentsTop 5 in 16 Topics		 We're going through this now with my 5 year old daughter. Our plan (which is working) involves moving a little further from her bed each night and reassuring her that we are within range of her voice at all times.

We play a soothing CD in her room that she only listens to at bedtime. Then, I generally sit by her doorway and read a magazine or book for 5 or 10 minutes. If she opens her eyes, she can see that I am there, then she is content to close her eyes and go to sleep.

My husband doesn't sit by the door. He leaves her door open and tells her that he will be across the hall in our room and to call out if she needs him. She usually calls out once (just to make sure he's there). He comes in, gives her another hug and kiss, then leaves again. With this reassurance, she falls asleep quickly.

We didn't get to this point quickly. After a year of lying down with her in her bed, first I moved to the floor next to her bed, then by her dresser, then to the door.

It's a slow process, but eventually you and your child will get to the point where he'll be able to go to sleep without you next to him.

References:
mother of four
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avatarBrenda Nixon
# of Thumbs Up Received (7)
Top 5 in: Growth and Development, Preschool and ChildcareTop 5 in 2 Topics		 Good question. You're in good company, as many parents struggle with nighttime woes. The parent's advice above is helpful and shows a gentle way of transitioning your child to learning to go to sleep alone.

As a mom, I used a dimmer on my daughter's bedroom light. Gradually, I'd dim the lights until she was at a comfort level to remain calm and ready to go to sleep.

As a conference speaker, I usually advise audiences to use reassuring statements to the child like, "You will be fine," or "You can go to sleep by yourself." These statements show that the parent has confidence in the child's ability to do it. Children absorb our attitudes and if we have the confidence that they can do something without our help, they will pick up on that message and -- not wanting to disappoint us -- will accomplish the goal.



References:
Brenda Nixon, M.A., www.BrendaNixon.com
Speaker and Author of The Birth to Five Book
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avatarKen
# of Thumbs Up Received (1)		 My wife and I used a similar approach with our three year old as outlined by Elizabeth. One slight difference was that we limited any dialog that occured. If our daughter tried to engage us in idle conversation we would simply answer "Honey, it is time to go to sleep." The combination of this and reading a book seemed to make our presence in the room less interesting to the child and ultimately creating a situation where there was nothing better for her to do then just fall asleep.

There is no silver bullet for this. I also know that sleep issues can make a parent feel like a hostage to their child. Hang in there!
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