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How often do parents discover, sometimes with mortification, that under stress they begin to sound just like their own mother or father? ... When we are perplexed, or confronted, by challenging parenting situations, it can be fruitful to ask ourselves: 'what was happening to me at the age that my child is now?' ~Robin Grill

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avatar Anonymous

How do I get my 14 yr old to do homeowrk & turn it in?

I hired an academic tutor that I drive her to every morning.I check the schools grade website to see what her grades are & I ask my daughter every night if she has homework. She has struggled through school since 4th grade. She is now a freshman & I cannot get it through her head how important these years are. She has 7 classes and is failing 3. I have spoken to 3 of the 7 teachers. What else can I do to help her pass all her classes and stay in school?

Question applies to ages: 14

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avatarLizInHolt
# of Thumbs Up Received (78)
Top 5 in: Career Training, Choosing College, Depression and Mental Health, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Health and Wellness, Home Learning and Field Trips, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Setting Goals and Getting Motivated, Study Skills and Academics, Transitions and Readiness, Students' Civil RightsTop 5 in 18 Topics		 I would suggest you talk to her about her progress in school, and try to keep it non-judgmental and not accusing her of anything. "Tell me what you think is the reason school is not working well for you this year. What's different from last year? What do you need from me?" That might help open up communications a bit and give you a better idea of what's going on. Maybe she's being bullied at school and just wants to escape being involved with ANYthing when she's there. Maybe she's depressed. But trying to make it "our problem to figure out" instead of "you aren't working hard enough" or "you need to do such-and-such" might make it easier for her to open up.

The demands on a freshman in high school are much more than in middle school. She might not know to keep up. Something I tried with my 13-year-old was that she had to write down every assignment as they were given out in class and then have her teacher sign it before she left class (to make sure she had the assignment right). Then I looked at the list when she got home, and then made her show me the completed work for each assigment before she went to bed. This structure made it easier for her to keep on top of things. It's a good idea to call every teacher and let them know you're doing this, and ask for their cooperation.

Good luck. This is a tough issue and it's terrific that you're looking for ways to get your daughter back on track!


References:
Parent to former 13-year-old with a similar problem.
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avatarElizabeth.Johns
# of Thumbs Up Received (76)
Top 5 in: Choosing College, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Summer Learning and Camps, Teens and Jobs, Transitions and Readiness, Motivating StudentsTop 5 in 16 Topics		 You are already doing so many things right. There may be one thing you are overlooking though. Has your daughter ever been tested for ADD? Many kids (especially if they have the "inattentive" type of ADD without the hyperactivity) are not diagnosed during elementary school, but once they hit middle and high school and have to juggle 7 classes, this disability hits them hard. One parenting forum on which I post has had three kids diagnosed with ADD as teens, after they begin flunking classes and not turning in homework.

Your teen is probably as frustrated with all this as you are. She wants to do well, but may not have the ability to do so. Ask the school to evaluate your daughter for ADD or learning disabilities, or see if your health insurance will cover an evaluation.

In the meantime, you and your daughter may want to read through our eEduGuide on high school study skills: Improve-My-High-School-Study-Skills-2318 to see if there are any strategies that she would like to try.



References:
mom of four kids
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