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avatar Anonymous

spoiled brat tips

wants to argue and everything is a bargain.
goes off and does what she wants when she's introuble.
has no respect for anybody

Question applies to ages: 4, 6

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avatarBridgette
# of Thumbs Up Received (41)
Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Growth and Development, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and SchoolsTop 5 in 7 Topics
Dealing with young children can be tough, can’t it? Especially when their behavior drives us up a wall. You do have my sympathy and I hope that you’re able to work through this with her.

I think one of the trickiest parts about being a parent is coming to the realization that we can’t change our children—we can only change our behavior and hope that what we do has the desired effect. You bring up three different issues, so I’ll try to deal with each of the three separately.

1. Wants to argue and everything is a bargain.

When this behavior starts, it can be helpful to remember that it takes at least two to argue and bargain. Refuse to engage with the behavior. Don’t argue and don’t bargain. I’ve often found that when disciplining younger children (particularly my own) that once I’d stated what I wanted the first time, that I only sabotage my discipline by continuing to talk. I may have to repeat myself, but each time that I do, I use fewer and fewer words.

For example, say I’ve given the command to my son to go brush his teeth before bed. I’d start with. “It’s bedtime. Go brush your teeth, please.” When he would come back with, “But I want to read a book first” or “Can I have a bedtime snack before I do?” or any other number of reasonable or unreasonable requests, I would then say, “brush your teeth,” if the bargaining continued, I’d simply point at the bathroom and calmly say “teeth” until he went and did it. The trick here is to not get angry or show emotion that the child will lock onto. You simply state with authority what needs to be done and don’t back down from it. Sometimes I also found it necessary to refuse to make eye contact as that gave the child something to argue with.

2. Goes off and does what she wants when she’s in trouble.

I’ve met very few children who like being in trouble (and the few that I have met like that take special handling), so it isn’t surprising that a child will try to walk away from discipline or ignore adult disapproval.

There is a child that I frequently babysit for who will act out as an attention-getting device. With her, I try to give her a lot of attention during neutral times (times where her behavior is neither negative or positive). When I do have to put her in a time out, I’ll set her in a chair and then stand in front of the chair so that she can’t get out. However, after telling her how long she’s going to be in the chair (usually a minute per age of the child), I turn around so that my back is to her and refuse to say another word. I don’t give her further attention, I ignore any crying, but I also make sure that she stays in the chair without having to fight her.

Discipline is tricky to administer, but it is one of the most loving things we do for our children as it gives them structure and safety in a world that can be quite scary to them. I’m sure the child you speak of often finds it frightening (even if she never shows it) that she seemingly has control over adults. The more that the adults in her life can administer discipline without losing control or their temper, but with a consistent firmness that let’s her know that she is not in charge and that there are consequences for poor choices, the safer she is going to feel.

3. Has no respect for anybody.

There is no way that we can force anyone to respect anyone else. Rather, we can teach children to respect others by giving them respect and modeling polite and respectful behavior. The people that we should be most polite to are those in our family—our mates, our children, our parents. We must refrain from calling children names ever (even “spoiled brat”) and respect them for the amazing people that they are. We have to refrain from embarrassing, insulting, or making fun of the child, because then they learn to treat us the same way.

When we see poor examples of respect, we can point out the disrespect and use it as a teaching opportunity. We can ask the child what a more respectful way of handling the situation would be. We can praise our children when they do show respect, as it shows that we value that behavior.

Good luck. I can hear the frustration in your words and I know it is a tough thing to deal with. I hope that you’re able to find some tactics that work for you and make life happier for both you and the child.
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