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avatar Anonymous

My boyfriend allows his son to take his time eating dinner (most times 60 minutes).

He does not want us to have dessert while his son is still eating. I feel this is unreasonable. Am I being unrealistic?

Question applies to ages: 6, 7

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avatarBridgette
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Growth and Development, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and SchoolsTop 5 in 7 Topics		 I sometimes think the most difficult disagreements to resolve are those in which both sides are being reasonable and realistic yet wanting opposite things.

Dinner time can play such an important role in a child's life. There are studies that cite spending family meals together as a key factor in the later success of a child. So it is certainly something to be encouraged, cherished, and treasured and not rushed through. Granted, there will be days when it is necessary to hurry, but if the necessity isn't there, what better use of time than to spend it together as a family?

Remember when we used to call the family meal a dinner "hour"? I think there were a lot of advantages to that. We know that eating slowly is better for our health. It also gives us more time to interact with each other.

Perhaps there is something that you could do to make the time spent at the table more enjoyable for everyone without having to rush anybody through their meal. Maybe you could start new traditions for your new family: Have everyone share one thing they learned that day, or share one silly thing that they saw or did during the day.

When I was growing up, we always did meal courses together and no one was allowed to go on to the next course until everyone had finished. It made meal time into something more than just the task of consuming food.

When it comes to dessert, I would especially recommend that adults not start eating it while children are eating the main course as then the child will want to stop eating the healthy food and move on to dessert. One possible compromise is that dessert is saved for later--perhaps several hours after the meal and closer to bedtime. My family would often do ice cream or popcorn while watching television together after dinner and after homework.

I'm sure the three of you will find something that works for you. You are certainly to be commended for making the time to have dinner together--something too many people sacrifice in a world where things are too fast-paced.
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avatarBryan.EduGuide
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Top 5 in: Choosing College, Family Activities, Home Learning and Field Trips, Learning Styles, School Policy and Education IssuesTop 5 in 5 Topics		 I don't know. My wife and I place a high value on time at the table as a family, without interruptions from the phone or media. And we usually wait for the kids to finish too, but we do give ourselves the freedom to get up and move on if they're taking too long. It's supposed to be an enjoyable experience, and sometimes it's more enjoyable for us to go sit and talk on the couch while junior noodles his vegetables, that's still family time.


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parent of two elementary kids
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