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avatar Anonymous

My daughter is terrified to go to bed!

She has slept throughout the night since about 2 months old and over the past few nights is terrified to go to bed. She wants to sleep with mom and dad. We do not want to start this pattern but feel terrible to see her so upset. It is breaking our hearts to see her this way. She is 2 yrs 4 months now and has been an awesome sleeper. She was so easy to put to sleep. Could this be night terrors and how do I help her?

Question applies to ages: 2

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avatarElizabeth.Johns
# of Thumbs Up Received (76)
Top 5 in: Choosing College, Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Learning Disabilities and Special Needs, Learning Styles, Parents and Schools, Safety, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Summer Learning and Camps, Teens and Jobs, Transitions and Readiness, Motivating StudentsTop 5 in 16 Topics		 I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It's hard to see our kids so scared, especially when they don't have the language to clearly express what's wrong. First, though, your daughter is not having night terrors. Those come on after someone is already asleep, so if she's scared to go to bed, that's different.

What might be happening is that at age 2, your daughter is realizing that she is truly separate from you, and that scares her. She may not realize that when she can't see you, you are still there, just in another room, so she wants to be with you. But you don't want her in your bed, and you also don't want to start sleeping in her room. It may be time to start some new soothing bedtime rituals with her.

For instance, you might say goodnight to all the things in her room (like the Goodnight Moon book does). Read a story together, sing a special song, say good-night prayers if your family tradition includes that, maybe play a quiet, soothing music CD, and then kiss her goodnight. If she doesn't have a nightlight, you may want to get one. If she wants the hall light on and that keeps her calm, you can try that and turn it off after she's asleep.

If she's scared of something, designate one of her stuffies as her night guard who will protect her, or assure her that your family pet (if she likes the pet) is making sure that she is safe all through the night, as are you.

Finally, you might want to give her rewards for staying in bed, lengthening the time from night to night. For instance, if she stays in bed for 10 minutes without coming to find you, she gets a sticker. If she stays in bed 15 minutes, she gets two stickers. Finally, if she stays in bed all night, she gets a star--and those should translate into a special prize when she earns a certain number of stickers or stars.

You're going to have to be creative and try different things until you find what works for you and your child. What works for one family (or in my case, one child) might not work for another family or another child.


References:
mom of four
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avatarJenny.eduguide
# of Thumbs Up Received (77)
Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Financial Aid for College, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Parenting Support, Parents and Schools, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Transitions and Readiness, Study Skills and Academic StrategiesTop 5 in 12 Topics		 Well, after conferring with a parent expert, we both agree that this sounds like a time for you to get the pediatrician involved.

However, if you don't feel like you're quite there yet, I would like to suggest visiting our parent library and doing a search on the word sleep. There are a lot of great articles. Also, our last edition of START was all about sleep. You could also visit our landing page for that (eduguide.org/S17).

Good luck.
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