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avatar Anonymous

My 10yr old son wants to cry everytime I'm talking to him

My son will cry over the littlest subject. If he keeps asking me if he can do something and I say no. He will cry about it. If I have to talk to him about something he's not doing right he will cry about it. What can I do for him to not feel so emotional about everything.

Question applies to ages: 10

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avatarBridgette
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Growth and Development, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and SchoolsTop 5 in 7 Topics		 That's definitely a tough challenge. He's at an age where you're hoping that he'll stop being so fragile and yet 5th grade can be a rough time for boys.

Has he always been very sensitive or does this represent a change? If it's a change, it might be a signal that something else is going on that will need to be researched. Is he having problems at school? With friends? With a teacher? Has there been a change in his situation at home? Has he experienced any losses recently? It may be necessary to find out what is making him feel so fragile.

I don't know if you can teach him to be less emotional (at least, not in a healthy manner), but you might be able to give him some alternative ways to cope with the emotions that he has. Teach him a vocabulary that he can use to describe his emotions. When kids can talk about their feelings and put words to what is bothering them, they're less likely (after awhile) to have a physical reaction such as tears.

Talk to him during a neutral time (that is, when you aren't celebrating something positive or trying to correct something negative). Encourage him to discuss why he responds like he did, but try to avoid making any evaluative comments. Don't tell him that he shouldn't feel the way that he does or that his perception is wrong. Instead, listen closely to what he has to say, repeat back your understanding of it (for example, "So you feel that I was being unfair?").

Then try to explain, using "I" statements, why you asked him what you did (for example, "I get frustrated when I'm asked the same question repeatedly when I've already given an answer. I don't feel that it would be fair to change my answer after being begged. That would make things miserable for both of us in the long run.")

Invite him to help you find a solution. (For example, "When I have to tell you no, how would you like me to communicate that?")

This does require a lot of patience. I know my response is often to get defensive when my 10-year-old son tries telling me that he gets upset because I'm angry when I don't think that I'm being angry. It usually involves me taking several deep breaths, remembering that it isn't about me, and stopping to listen.

It's tough to set limits and to say no when faced with tears, and yet, that's exactly what our job is as parents: to set reasonable limits that will create a safe environment for the child. Some kids are far more sensitive than others and prone to tears. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them. There are many advantages to a child being sensitive: they're more likely to be empathetic, kind, and creative. They learn to nurture others and can be a joy to have around.
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