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how to handle a child bad mouthing you

I have 2 step daughters that live with me and like to back talk when I tell them they can't do something.

Question applies to ages: 9, 12

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avatarKathy
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Top 5 in: Depression and Mental Health, Home Learning and Field Trips, Learning Disabilities and Special NeedsTop 5 in 3 Topics		 Hi. There's alot of information regarding this situation that is unclear and could have an impact on the state of your relationship. But if I just take this at face value, I would say that this is most likely related to their age. I have 3 children and one step child and can say that the preteen years are definitely the mouthiest age! But that is not to say that it should not be addressed. It definitely should.

First of all I would get some time alone, (away from earshot of the girls) and discuss the situation with your spouse. Tell him/her what you feel happens in the situation, how it makes you feel and what you would prefer to see happen.

After you two have reached an agreement on how the girls should behave talk to the girls. Avoid an emotional discussion. You might try to make an appointment to talk together as family to discuss this situation. This would help you to frame this as an important conversation that you want to have because you love them and desire a good relationship with them rather than an 'I'm at my limit' and very angry with you,kind of conversation.

Next I would consider putting into writing as a family agreements on how you will treat each other, be specific, and discuss and then also write out what the consequences are for not choosing to follow these family guidelines. Have everyone sign it. Do not allow yourself to be put into a position in which you can't be successful and the same goes for them. What you want to focus on here is their attitude, do not include other rules, like bed time, food rules, phone rules, computer rules, etc. Just set guidelines for how you will treat each other no matter what the circumstances are.

Then as you proceed forward with the new set of expectations, make sure you express praise and appreciation for their better behavior. When the situation is not handled by them in an appropriate manner stick to the outlined consequences in the written document.

Good luck. I think it's great that you care enough about your step daughters to want to improve your relationship with them.
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