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avatarCarol
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What would be the best way for me to handle my sons feelings about his mystery father?

My son is 11 yrs. old and has never had an opportunity to spend time with his biological father. He has recently started asking alot of questions. At first I only told him the good things about his father. But when he asked me to find him so that they could meet, we found out that he was incarcerated. Since then my son has been getting bad conduct reviews in school, fighting more with his brother, arguing with everything I say, and crying over the smallest things. How do I help him through this?

Question applies to ages: 11

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avatarMithra13
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Summer Learning and Camps # of Thumbs Up Received (3)		 Not knowing who you "are" and where you come from is very difficult for most children, but I think especially so for boys. Do I look like my dad, do I have his smile or will I be tall like he is would be natural for him. Explain to him perhaps how you met his father, how things did not work out and say after some time he made decisions not very wise for an adult. If you can "stomach" the idea, contact the man who is his father and explain to him that he would like to know more about him and allow the father to set the tone. It sounds like you did what you could to set a tone about his father that is respectable. I think the acting out is just a natural thing for an 11 year old who wants to find his place in his surroundings as well as discover who he "is". I hope that helps :)
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avatarKathy
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Top 5 in: Depression and Mental Health, Home Learning and Field Trips, Learning Disabilities and Special NeedsTop 5 in 3 Topics		 It sounds like you've done a great job walking the fine line being protecting and being honest. It also sounds like you have been open to him pursuing a relationship with his dad, which I really commend you for. It seems like you're doing a great job putting your sons needs first.
Have you addressed his fathers incarceration directly?I might say something like, 'Joe you haven't been acting like yourself for the last few weeks. It seems to me that finding out that your father was in jail has been hard for you. Can we talk about it?' I think he needs to talk about the feelings this has stirred up. It's possible that another person could help him with this, a school or professional counsellor, a pastor, a family friend. Or perhaps you and he can get to the bottom of it as well. I have taken my kids somewhere else to talk, like a coffee shop or restaurant, or if the weather is nice to a park for a walk and asked them to leave all gadgets and phones behind and that has worked pretty well.
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