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avatar Anonymous

I'm a single dad and can't figure out what to do when my daughter has a tantrum



Question applies to ages: 2, 3, 4

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avatarBridgette
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Growth and Development, Learning Styles, Manners and Values, Parenting Support, Parents and SchoolsTop 5 in 7 Topics		 One of my favorite books on this topic is called, "Taking Charge." It's a wonderful book in no small part because it goes into the different reasons that children engage in bad behavior and how to adapt our response to the cause.

For tantrums, the authors talk a lot about the use of attention and we've found that it not only works for our son (who didn't throw all that many tantrums) but on the toddler children belonging to friends whom we spend a lot of time with. We try to give a lot of attention during the positive and the neutral times, but we completely remove it when they are throwing a tantrum. We might stand near the child to keep her from harming herself or others, but we don't speak to her, make eye contact with her, or look in her direction. We also try to continue on as even a keel as possible whatever we were doing before. As soon as the child calms down, we immediately return the attention.

This works well if the tantrum is an attempt to get attention. There are also other things that can cause tantrums which might make this method less effective.
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avatarJenny.eduguide
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Top 5 in: Discipline, Families and Relationships, Family Activities, Financial Aid for College, Growth and Development, Health and Wellness, Parenting Support, Parents and Schools, School Policy and Education Issues, Study Skills and Academics, Transitions and Readiness, Study Skills and Academic StrategiesTop 5 in 12 Topics		 Based on the age you selected I can tell you that when my kids were that age, once they have started throwing a fit, there isn't much you can do to "stop" it. You can't reason with a hysterical preschooler. I think that the best thing you can do to show your child that what they are doing is not acceptable behavior is to remove them from all watching eyes.

A lot of times a fit is more for the benefit of those around than the child. Tell her if she is going to throw a fit to do it in her room, or the time-out chair, or wherever you send her when she's being punished. If she will not go on her own, then place her there and continue to place her there, until she stays put AND the tantrum is over. When she has recovered enough to talk relatively calmly with you, then you can explain to her why what she did was wrong. I know that I never had very good luck explaining that kind of thing to my children while they were screaming.

And if you are in a public place, then remove her from wherever you are as soon as a fit starts. If you are at the store, the park, a restaurant, whatever. Take her right home and explain to her that you won't go anywhere fun, until you can be sure that she can keep her tantrums in check. Trust me, this is highly inconvenient while you are doing it. It is very hard to take a meal to go that you just started eating, but you won't have to do it too many times. And the results you get from the follow-through will be well worth it.

References:
Mother of four, two of which were are one point in their lives, the queens of tantrums.
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