At first all I could do was blink.
My son's kindergarten teacher had just asked me a question I hadn't expected. Six years of conferences with my older daughters' teachers had prepared me for a recitation of classroom rules, textbooks used, and (once again) the differences between "emerging" and "transitional" readers. I expected to be told how my son's motor and cognitive skills measured up against national averages and what I needed to do to help him meet the teacher's goals for his developmental learning.
Instead, she repeated the question: "What do you want me to know about David?"
Parent-Teacher Communication Needs Trust and Respect
My mind raced. Of the many intimate parents' stories about my son I cherished, what did I want most for her to know? I thought of the funny faces he made when he was little to try and make us laugh. I wanted to warn her that he hated to be sticky and if she wanted to avoid a scene, she had better be prepared to let him wash up frequently during projects with glue. I thought of the rich imagination that transformed him into a policeman given a badge, a hat, and a set of plastic hand-cuffs. I wanted to reassure her that even though he often hesitates at new challenges and resists commands he doesn't like, he always, always follows through in the end.
In that instant, caught off guard, I finally said, "David is the most precious boy in my life, and you will enjoy him so much."
Not exactly what she expected, perhaps, but a very important message nevertheless. It said "This boy is loved, and respected and watched over. Take care of him, appreciate him, and expect great things of him."
Parents Are Experts in Their Child's Education and Issues in their Lives
That question changed the way I viewed my role in my children's education. I was a young mother, and had felt ill-prepared to question a teacher's decisions or suggest a better way. David's teacher taught me that no one knew my children better than I did. However caring and talented a teacher or principal may be, they do not live with my child or share our intimate past.
This knowledge served me well when years later I was forced to confront a teacher who routinely belittled and frightened his students. And again in middle school when I insisted David be placed in advanced math and English courses, against a teacher's recommendation. Meaning well, she wanted him to feel "successful." I knew he lacked confidence and needed someone to encourage him to aim high.
Parents' Issues Deserve to Be Heard
You--no matter what color your collar or how advanced your academic degree--you are your child's first and most important teacher. On this website you will find the tools you need to make wise educational choices for your child. We'll consult the experts in the field--other parents--as well as the newest research in learning to help you advocate for your children at school and encourage their learning at home.
Whe conference time rolls around again, I plan to let David's teachers know his dad and I care, we're available and we expect great things. As a brand new high school student, though, he objects to being called "precious." This year, if his teachers ask what I want them to know about David, I'll just tell them he's a radically likeable guy with awesome talents. And his family thinks he's way cool.