My firstborn child just turned six. We both celebrate on his birthday: he celebrates another year of life and I celebrate the anniversary of the day I became a mom. Each child brings something unique to our lives, and Ben was the first to make me a mother. He was also the first to make me confront the question of how to celebrate a child’s birthday.
When I was young, my Nana made all of my birthday cakes. She had nine grandchildren and on every one of our birthdays she made a sponge cake. The girls had pink icing and the boys had blue.
We didn’t have fancy parties with lots of schoolmates. There were plenty of people there, but they were all family. I don’t remember lots of gifts, just something from my parents and from Nana and Pop. Even though these were simple family gatherings instead of expensive celebrations, I remember them as very happy moments in my life.
Parties with Toddlers, Activities, Games Was Exhausting
When Ben turned one, I tried to celebrate in a big way: family, friends, party favors, decorations, and toddler games. Afterward, I realized this was not the route for me. It was just too much work. By the end of the preparations, our monthly budget was depleted, and I was too exhausted to enjoy the party.
But when Ben’s second party rolled around, I forgot all that and once again tried for something elaborate. Once again I regretted it. This time I truly understood that I was not cut out for all the hype. No more extravagant parties for us. No more cakes in the shapes of boats, lions, or cartoon characters.
Pleasing Toddlers: Activities Can be Simple, Sweet
When Ben’s third birthday approached, he made it known he wanted a train cake. I had planned on making New River Raspberry Cake, a delicious but simple cake my mother-in-law used to make for my husband on his birthdays. It’s made with the wild raspberries we pick each summer along the banks of the New River.
So for Ben’s third birthday I decided to try to please both my son and myself. I made the round, three-layer raspberry cake and iced it with sweet raspberry icing. Then I used decorator frosting to draw a locomotive, freight car, tanker, and caboose around the side. On top I put a little plastic train I had saved from the cake served at my baby shower when I was carrying Ben. Each car has a place to put a candle.
The guests for his third birthday party were Ben’s grandparents and Ben’s very best friend and family. The birthday boy got to pick what we had for dinner, and we all had a great time. Best of all, I actually had time to visit with the guests and enjoy the evening.
Family Ideas for Traditions Can Please Everyone
By the time Ben’s sixth birthday arrived this year, our family tradition of having a small family gathering was established. I was feeling adventurous and thought maybe I should offer him a fancy cake this time. When I asked what kind he wanted, though, without hesitation Ben said, “A raspberry cake with a train on the side and train decorations on top.” The look on his face and tone in his voice made it clear he wanted my simple cake with the crudely drawn train and plastic decorations. It’s the one he has enjoyed for as long as he can remember. Even if next year he requests a cake shaped like a whale, a car, or an airplane—the kind I’ll have to buy from a store—this year he’s still my sweet, unsophisticated little boy who looks forward to New River Raspberry Cake with the train on the side and the train on top. And that is the special gift he gave me this year.
Aggie Casto runs a small bread-baking business in Fayettville, West Virginia, where she and her husband raise their three children.