Want more respect from your teen? Show respect: to your teen, your spouse, your community, and to yourself. You can’t force someone to respect you, but you do have the right to be treated with respect if you model respect. Modeling respect is not hard, just keep in mind the following tips:

  • Be honest. If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize. 
  • Obey the law and follow the rules. Some rules are dumb and many are inconvenient. You don’t have to follow the rule—unless you want your teen to.
  • Observe poor role models. When you see examples of disrespect, point them out and discuss them. Ask your teen how he or she would have handled the situation.
  • Walk the talk. If you have to tell a joke about someone’s religion, culture, age, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, or politics, tell it on yourself.  That way, you know you’ll only be offending one person.
  • Be positive. When you see your teen showing respect—to you, another family member, friends, or a stranger—praise him or her.
  • Be gentle. Teenagers are highly sensitive to criticism. Don’t embarrass, insult, or make fun of your child—especially in front of other people.
  • Be fair. Listen carefully to your child’s side of the story. There may be a good reason why your kid behaved that way.
  • Loosen the reins.Start adding a few new rights and responsibilities for your teen shortly before you feel ready to; he or she has probably been ready for some time. If your child doesn’t handle the new freedom well, let him or her face the consequences.
  • Learn to compromise. Go clothes shopping together so you can see what styles your teen likes. Let your teen know from the beginning what clothes are appropriate without insulting his or her taste, and find opportunities to compromise.

Still not sure you are modeling respect for your teen as well as you might? Take our quick quiz, "How Respectful Am I?" and find out.

 

 

Sources

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, F. Cline and J. Fay;

Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson ,director of the Univ. of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium