Your teenage daughter has just called you a "lazy slob" in front of her friends. Your teenage son walks out of the room every time you try to have a conversation about his drinking. You’re so mad you could scream. Welcome to the world of adolescent parenting.

Getting angry is perfectly normal, but it won’t get you what you want. Even if your teenager's behavior causes you to lose your temper—and it probably will—you can still control the situation. Here’s how:

Buy Yourself Some Time

Engage in some activities to relieve parent stress. Take a deep breath. Walk away if you have to until you can speak and act calmly. Despite how they may act, teens don’t like being unable to get parents' attention, positive or negative.

Restate the Ground Rules

Calmly and without shame, remind your child of the family rules for respectful interaction. For tips on how to create a Family Respect Agreement, see EduGuide ShortCut: "How to Hold a Family Summit on Respect."

Give a Rerun

Ask your teen if he or she would like a rerun—a chance to start over again as though the unacceptable behavior never happened. A rerun gives your child a second chance to act the way he or she should. As a parent, you are entitled to a rerun (or two) yourself.

Listen—and Watch What Happens 

More than anything, a teen wants his or her voice to be heard. Some kids find a face-to-face confrontation uncomfortable—so, if you have a teen like that, suggest taking a walk or doing an active chore together.Then wait. Don’t interrupt and don’t set the discussion topic. You may be amazed at how much your teen will say if you keep quiet.

Know Your Own Strength

Don’t ignore the behavior (it will get worse), but don’t give your teen an order or insist on a punishment that you can’t physically enforce. Nothing kills respect faster than an empty threat. Nothing, except failing to...

Respect Yourself to Gain Your Teen's Respect

You can’t expect your kid to respect you if you let others treat you disrespectfully.
"As teenagers move toward greater independence and responsibility, discussing and negotiating helps them develop important reasoning, communication, and interpersonal skills. As a parent, you have a responsibility to help your teenager practice these skills within boundaries of respect and gratitude."

--Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson

 

 

Sources

Foster Cline and Jim Fay, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic

Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the Univ. of Minnesota Children, Youth and Family Consortium