Things to Do ahead of Time

1.     Pick a date. Write it on a calendar that everyone in the family can see. Explain briefly that that meeting is about respect and teaching character, and make sure everyone knows the meeting is mandatory.

2.     Make copies of the Respect Inventory for each family member. Do this one week before the meeting, and ask everyone to have it finished in time for the meeting.

3.     Tell family members to keep a Respect Log for the week. Ask them to keep notes on the times they felt disrespected, saw disrespect, or acted disrespectfully.

4.     Pick a location for the meeting that is comfortable and quiet. Turn off the TV, the computer, and the cell phones. Choose a setting where a can express his feelings.

5.     Make the meeting fun. Order a pizza or make ice cream sundaes to get everyone in a relaxed mood. The topic is serious, but the meeting doesn’t have to be.

How to Conduct the Summit

6.     Start the meeting by reading examples from the Respect Logs. After all family members have had a chance to share, ask each person what makes him or her feel respected and what makes him or her feel disrespected

7.     Read each question on the Respect Inventory. Celebrate the areas in which all family members agree and discuss areas of disagreement, but set a time limit (for example, five minutes of discussion for every point of disagreement). If someone comes up with other categories (choice of friends, books, music, etc.), write them down and discuss them. Welcome discussion, but make sure your kids understand that as parents, you have the final say. Work hard to find compromises.

8.     Create a list of consequences for disrespectful behavior. For example, first offense: apology accepted; second offense: sit down and discuss; third offense: privileges  withheld (cell phone, TV, computer, friends, etc.) for a specified length of time.

9.     Write up your Family Respect Agreement. Use the Respect Inventory and list of consequences.

10.  End the meeting on a positive note. Talk about what everyone has learned from the meeting and what strategies you will use next time.

After the Summit

11.  Post the final list where everyone can see it. And don’t be afraid to modify the list if necessary.