My husband and I watched our 6-year-old son, Mark, with frustration.
The boy who begged to play summer baseball seemed detached from the game. The batter cracked a grounder within inches of Mark's foot. Mark was oblivious. An alert teammate scooped it up and threw the ball past Mark. The coach loudly barked to Mark's teammates, "See what happens when you don't pay attention!"
Was the coach a creep? No, he was one of the most patient coaches Mark ever had. He was frustrated that such an able child could be so tuned out.
Clues Point to ADD Symptoms
This scene reminded me of the feedback I'd received from Mark's kindergarten teacher. She noted, "Mark can do the work, but he just doesn't seem to want to. I can't get him to focus."
By the end of the school year, Mark disliked school and told me that he was stupid. How could it be that my wonderfully whimsical child wasn't fitting in very well? Something was off track ... but what?
Indeed, Mark was the child who often got lost in the shuffle of school. But it was confusing for my husband, Mike, and me. The boy who couldn't seem to apply himself at school could readily perform homework. The child who couldn't pay attention also spent hours reading books and constructing complicated Lego models.
Then there were times he would turn his room into a hurricane site, strewn with the guts of all his board games. We were troubled by Mark's frequent inability to put his thoughts into words. When asked questions about recent events, he'd respond with information bearing little relation to the question, or would respond in gibberish language, ending in a wild giggle.
What was going on inside his mind?
We had sought advice from preschool teachers, his pediatrician, and others. They discounted his behavior, saying, "Boys will be boys."
Yet the baseball coach's comment convinced us to act. Mike and I knew that Mark truly would be destined to fail if the people who served as role models were treating him this way. Mark deserved better.
ADD Testing: Looking for Answers
After contacting the pediatrician, we took Mark to a psychologist. Mike and I completed several surveys. We met with the psychologist who then talked with Mark. He recommended that Mark undergo several psychological tests.
In addition, he provided us with an evaluation for the teacher to complete once the new school year began. After a few weeks, Mark spent a day undergoing these psychological tests: WISC-III Test; the Test of Variables of Attention (TOVA); the Developmental Test of Visual Motor Integration; and the Vineland Scales of Adapting Behavior (VABS).
The combined results of these tests and various written evaluations led the psychologist to diagnose Mark with a mild case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder / Non-Attentive Type. This is more commonly known as ADHD or sometimes just ADD.
The psychologist noted that Mark's academic scores were below the normal range for his age and sex, and likely would have been higher without his ADHD. The results also showed that Mark was well adjusted. Given that self-esteem is often very damaged in children with ADHD, this was good news.
The psychologist recommended that we read "Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents" (Guilford Press, 1995) by Dr. Russell A. Barkley. The book included techniques that could help us better parent Mark.
The psychologist also suggested that Mark receive a stimulant medication to help him pay attention during school time. The psychologist noted that Mark was not learning disabled, but that if he did not receive intervention, he could in time become classified as LD. He noted that our steps to evaluate Mark at such a young age would be helpful in avoiding future problems.
Relief swept over me. There were reasons my son was not meeting our expectations. He was not intentionally lazy or disruptive at school. Further, there were remedies that could possibly help him.
Incorporating ADD Treatment into Family Life
Mike and I studied about ADHD. Our pediatrician recommended specific ways in which we could better tailor Mark's life to his condition. He encouraged Mike to help Mark with schoolwork in the evenings. (Research has shown that fathers can be more successful in prodding ADHD children).
He noted that one of the best ways for an ADHD child to focus is to spend time with peers, so we arranged play dates with classmates. He recommended that after-school activities be fairly unstructured, so Mark joined Cub Scouting. Mark also started a martial arts class rather than continue with team sports.
After much consideration and talking to the doctor, we decided to try using medication to help Mark. It took several moths to find the right dose and timing.
We also used advice from Barkley's book, which taught us to help Mark achieve goals while downplaying disappointments. We've worked with teachers to incorporate this philosophy into his educational plan, and it's an approach that also has helped our family life.
Parent Teacher Communication Helps Child Cope
I filled Mark's teacher in on the psychologist's findings. She then placed Mark near serious students whose careful approach to their work could inspire him. She put his desk close to hers so she could quietly repeat directions if he seemed distracted. She praised Mark where possible, and provided me with specific ideas for encouraging his learning through study at home.
Shortly after the new year, Mark's teacher requested a conference. She noted that compared with the first few weeks of first grade, Mark's performance had greatly improved. When she called on Mark, he understood what was happening and responded appropriately. He now could lead the classroom in prayer and did so while also making eye contact with his peers.
Rarely did she need to repeat instructions, and no longer burst from his seat many times a day. Mark was a solid student and had turned an important corner.
Despite the major effort we continue to make to help Mark manage his ADHD, I know that we are fortunate, because Mark's problem could have been more severe. I am grateful for his whimsy and spontaneity that enliven our family life and are due in some measure to ADHD.
He has indeed captured my heart, and each day, I prod him to learn and grow, help him to find his way, and applaud his efforts.
Author's note:Follow-up testing in second grade revealed that Mark faces some challenges with fine motor skills and data integration that make it difficult for him to express himself through writing. He receives some classroom accommodations for these challenges. Now in third grade, Mark continues to do well academically, with the help of intensive tutoring at home from his mother.
Betty Wright is a mother and freelance writer.