When most expectant mothers are asked the familiar question, "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" most respond, "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as the baby is healthy and has ten fingers and ten toes."
What they're really saying is as long as their child doesn't have a disability like Down Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy or a serious health concern, they'll be happy. The thought that a child could be born as anything less thana normal baby is too frightening for most expectant parents to consider. No wonder it's so hard to face when it happens to you.
Learning your newborn son or daughter has a disability is one of the toughest things most parents will ever face. Suddenly, all the dreams you had about welcoming a perfect bundle of joy are dashed. The resulting denial, anger, shock and grief can prove overwhelming for parents, especially if the mother is also recovering from a difficult delivery.
Connecting with Special Needs Newborns: Baby Needs to Connect
After ten years of being a special needs parent to a child with cerebral palsy, I know connecting with my son from the moment of his birth helped him develop in many positive ways. The choices parents make in these early months of a special child's life can greatly affect their future.
Of the 56 million Americans with disabilities, nearly fifteen million are children. They're born every day to families in all kinds of communities. Most of them have ten fingers and ten toes. Many will go on to accomplish good things in their lives if they are given proper parenting, unconditional love and early intervention and support. Some of these children will even go farther than their non-disabled peers.
Coping with Birth of Special Needs Infant Babies
It's hard to see this when you're just starting out. It's even harder if you feel guilty about your child's special needs. While medical research shows the odds of having a child with a disability increase with premature birth, poor prenatal care and drug and alcohol use, children with special needs are also born to parents who seemingly did everything right for their unborn child. Sometimes genetics are the culprit or a difficult delivery or a mother's health. But sometimes, there is no answer to the tough question, "Why?"
It's no wonder that the shock of such a diagnosis sends most parents reeling. Family and friends may talk about the newborn in hushed tones so they don't upset the parents. Parents often forgo birth announcements and discourage visits, gifts or congratulations. However, children with special needs are no less valuable than other children. Some of the most dynamic parents I know tell me once they've had a chance to work through the grief familiar to parents of special children, they wouldn't exchange their child with any another.
Seek Out Other Special Needs Parents
If you're facing the reality of life with a special child, be patient with yourself and with your child. It's important to hold your infant and bond with him or her right from the start, even in the intensive care unit. Ask for the support you need to successfully meet this challenge, including counseling. Try to reach out to other parents of special children. They often prove a great source of information and support. Through such positive action, your love for your child will grow, while you teach those around you about the value of your child's life.
Then one day, you will see that children with special needs are a wonderful gift, too. They just come in different packages.
Judy Winter is an award-winning journalist on disability issues and the recipient of the 2002 Exceptional Parent Award from the Michigan Federated Chapters of the Council for Exceptional Children.