Luann was known as a precocious child. Her parents were old enough to be her grandparents; a brother and sister were in high school.
When Luann was 2 months old, her mother went back to work, and Luann’s grandmother offered to take care of her. She was a retired school teacher who knew how to love her without “spoiling” her, as she told Luann’s parents.
When the grandmother was called to jury duty one day when Luann was 3 years old, I agreed to watch Luann for a day. I showed up at the grandmother’s house at the appointed time. While Luann played outdoors, her grandmother gave instructions.
“Luann is a good little girl,” she said. “She won’t give you any trouble.” Then she added, “However, there is one thing I must warn you about. We have to coax her to eat her food.”
I remarked that this was strange as she was such a big, healthy child. I knew, however, that when it comes to healthy eating, children and parents are often at odds.
The grandmother said, “Oh, she eats all right, once we get her started. Her father will say, ‘Let’s pretend this plate of vegetables is a slice of lemon meringue pie! Which part of the pie do you want to eat first?’ She shows him, then starts eating. So just be patient with her and she will eat her food.”
Toddler Discipline: Rewarding the Right Behavior
The grandmother left for jury duty. Luann came in and climbed into her booster seat. I put her food on the table. She shoved it aside and said, “Don’t want it.”
“Luann, this is what your grandmother wants you to eat,” I said.
Again, “Don’t want it.”
Now, how do you turn a bowl of cereal into a lemon meringue pie? I wondered.
I knew Luann was a very intelligent child. She knew her family loved her very much and gave her a lot of attention. However, I suspected she was using the “don’t want it” routine to get extra attention. This, I thought, was not good for her family—or for Luann. So I decided to try a different approach.
“If you don’t want it, I’ll take it away,” I said. I removed the food and put it on the counter.
Luann looked so surprised, I was afraid she was going to cry. Instead she said in a meek little voice, “I want my supper.” (She meant breakfast, but she called all meals supper.)
I said, “No, Luann, you said you did not want it.”
She said, “I do want it.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
She nodded.
I put the food back on the table and she started eating. She looked so subdued, I wanted to do something to cheer her up. Although I had already eaten, I poured some cereal and sat down at the table. I said, “I’ll eat with you. We will have a little party.”
Evidently, “party” was the magic word. She brightened and said, “Yes, we’ll have a little party!” Luann chattered happily while she ate all her food.
This way, Luann got the attention she wanted, without turning mealtime into a struggle.
Before going out to play, Luann said, “I like you.”
I gave her a hug and said, “And I like you.”
Later, at lunchtime, I wondered if she would refuse her food again. When I put her lunch on the table, she looked at the food, then at me. I smiled and nodded. She smiled and ate all her food. Pie wasn’t mentioned and I had no more trouble getting Luann to eat her food.
Her family had “taught” Luann that getting her to eat was their job; so she demanded they entertain and tease her into eating. I “taught” her that eating was her job—she had a choice. Then I made sure she got all the attention she needed after she made good choices.
Myrtle Harrison Cliburn began her writing career after the age of 60. She was a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and professional babysitter. Her most famous client was Broadway star John Raitt, whose children include Grammy-award winning singer, Bonnie Raitt.