Q: A 2-year-old I care for bites the other children I watch.  How can I stop him?

A: We’ve had a lot of problems recently with biters.  We find that parents don’t have a good response when we tell them their child is biting.  They usually try to defend their child, rather than really look at the problem of why they’re biting.

We find most of the time, biting is a sign of frustration and anger in children.  So we try to redirect them to a different toddler activity.  Sometimes we give them something to hold onto, like a damp wash cloth, that they can bite instead of another child.  Sometimes, a biting child targets the same person, so we try to separate them.

-- Ruth Gauci, owner, Lasting Impressions day care center, Brighton, Michigan

A: Discuss biting with the child’s parents so they can address the behavior at home. You can firmly tell the child “no” when you see biting or similar child aggression, and remove the child briefly from the other children.  The message to the children is: If you bite, you can’t play with others. This helps you teach and protect.

-- Eric Herman, MA, LLP, Clinical Psychologist, Children’s Hospital of Michigan, Detroit

A: Two-year-olds will often bite because that’s the first thing that comes into their heads..  They want something or they see something, or somebody is in their way, and they do not have the language yet to tell others how they feel or what they want.

What you do with such children is say to them, “You want that toy. When you bite – it hurts.” Pat him gently, give an alternative behavior a 2-year-old can understand.  With all preschoolers, observe what the triggering experiences are: Is it frustration?

Does it happen during a time of transition from one activity to another?  Is it directed at a particular child they’re targeting?  The key to these situations is helping the child learn to use language to get what he or she wants and needs, rather than using physical means. You offer an alternative and the words to use for that alternative.

-- Laura Stein, site supervisor, Child Development Laboratories , Michigan State University