Why do they act this way? Because they are supposed to. Teens are hard at work creating their own identities and separating from parents.
Why they do the things they do. Understanding some of the physiological and psychological reasons why teenagers act out can help you and your teenager survive the teen years with your relationship (and sanity) intact.
- Teens are doing their job. Namely growing up and away from their parents. Kids enter their teen years as children, but they have to come out the other end as adults. Conflicts erupt when a teenager feels confident to make decisions and solve problems but parents still see them as children who need help.
- Their brains aren’t “done” yet. Scientists have determined that the human brain isn’t fully developed until approximately age twenty-five. In a teenager, one area still under construction is the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that controls social activity. Teens often speak before they think, blurting out rude or spiteful things to parents that they don’t truly mean or know they shouldn’t say because their ability to stop themselves isn’t fully developed yet.
- Puberty stinks. The effects of fluctuating hormone levels—of estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and others— make teens (and their parents) feel out of control physically and emotionally. And no wonder. It can take teenage bodies several years to get the balance of hormones right. A teenager is caught in a “hormone storm,” which can cause depression, acne, moodiness, and aggression.
- Lack of sleep. How can they be sleep deprived when they sleep until noon? Teens need about nine hours of sleep every night, but most get only seven. In addition, the brain hormone melatonin gets released later at night in teenagers, causing a change in their circadian rhythm (internal biological clock) and triggering them to fall asleep later and wake up later.
- They’re hungry. When teens are hungry (when aren’t they?), they may become moody, angry, or rude. Help them see the connection between hunger and mood and the difference between healthy and unhealthy food choices.Fluctuating blood sugar levels caused by unhealthy eating (high sugar, fat, or carbohydrate diets) can cause a soar-and-crash emotional cycle. You can help your teen feel better by modeling smarter food choices and having healthy food at home.
- They feel safe. It may not be helpful or even comforting to know, but teens save their disrespectful outbursts for parents because they know their parents will still love them even if they are moody and disrespectful at times. Home is one of the only places where teens feel completely safe.
- They’re stressed out. Sometimes disrespectful behavior is a sign your teen is under stress, due to, for example, friendships: Teenage girls are constantly judged by their friends about their hair, makeup, weight, and just about anything else you can imagine. Teen boys have their share of problems, too, since they tend to develop at such different rates from each other, and are often teased about their size. Drugs and alcohol: Teens have to constantly make good choices under tremendous pressure from their friends. Homework: As teens enter middle school and especially high school, the homework load increases greatly. Conflicts with teachers: If your teenager is having trouble with a particular teacher, he or she may feel like everybody is out to get him or her and react defensively. After-school activities/jobs: While teenagers should keep busy with some activities, it’s important to remember that they need to relax and “de-stress.”
Sources:
Erika Schwartz, MD, The Hormone Solution
www.sciencenewsforkids.org
www.4parents.gov
www.askdrsears.com
kidshealth.org
Barbara Rickard holds a B.A. from Michigan Technological University and is the mother of three children in elementary, middle, and high school. She has volunteered in the public schools for 10 years, including 4 as a PTA Board Member.