Though your teenager is more likely to turn to peers for tips on dating and relationship advice, you still play a critical role in teaching him or her about friendship, love, and dating.

Relationship Advice for Preteens (Teens, and Post Teens)

Though it is never too late to learn how to be a responsible girl- or boyfriend, ideally the following lessons should start before kids start dating:
  • Model healthy relationships. To the best of your ability be polite, respectful, attentive, and caring to your spouse or significant other. Point out examples of people who treat each other well and explain how that behavior builds healthy relationships. Make sure that your kid understands that people involved in good relationships do disagree and argue—sometimes frequently. To demonstrate constructive conflict resolution, let your child observe how you and a partner work through a significant disagreement.
  • Explain that to be a good girlfriend or boyfriend, you first have to be a good friend. If you choose to forbid exclusive dating until a certain age (you’re the parent, you have this right), suggest instead that your child spend time with groups of friends of mixed gender with adult chaperones. It’s a good way to gain social skills without the pressure of a relationship.
  • Listen to your kids sometimes without giving advice. This helps to establish trust and let your kids know that they can talk to you about important things without having to hear a lecture.
  • Teach your children to respect themselves by urging them to consider the impact of their choices (whether clothing or friends or behaviors). Show them that you respect them and model respect for them (see ShortCut “How to Respect (and Love) a Disrespectful Teen”)
  • Provide a comfortable and relaxed place in your home where their friends can hang out (having home-cooked food on hand doesn’t hurt, either!). Don’t embarrass your kids in front of their friends and be polite to those they bring home.
  • Talk about sex. Make sure your child has a solid sex education and understands how babies are made. Share your values about sex and the complications (physical and emotional) that come from having sex.

Teen Dating Advice

Parents can help kids avoid relationship pitfalls, stay safe while dating, and enjoy healthy, responsible relationships by following some simple guidelines:
  • Try group dates. It’s not only a lot of fun, it can strengthen a relationship by creating memories, building a support group, and reducing the pressure for two people to keep up all the conversation. It also can help protect you from physical situations that you might not be ready for.
  • Instead of asking someone, “Do you like me?” be the first to say what your feelings are without expecting a response. Be respectful of whatever response you do get. This shows moral courage without pressuring the other person.
  • Avoid dating a friend’s ex or someone your friend is interested in: it will do nothing but cause trouble. Definitely don’t ask someone out that your friend is currently dating.
  • Guard your date’s trust. Don’t share everything the two of you say to each other or do together with friends at school. In other words, don’t kiss and tell or boast about how the other person feels about you.
  • Ask yourself, if you and your date are gentle and kind to each other, have fun and laugh a lot together, and listen to each other. If you can’t say “most of the time,” this is a clear sign it isn’t a healthy relationship.
  • Try to show dignity at all times—from when you first ask a person out, through whatever ups and downs a relationship has, to when it ends.
  • Find things that you enjoy doing together, from playing a sport to supporting a cause. Look for things which you either share in common or are interested in doing. If you have no common interests (besides each other) this can be a warning sign that you aren’t truly compatible.

Relationship Advice for Teens Going Steady

When things start getting exclusive, talk with your teen about the following relationship issues:
  • Give your significant other space and time to be with other friends. Wanting to hang out with someone else isn’t an insult or a sign that there is something wrong with the relationship. Rather it is healthy to have friends outside of a romantic relationship.
  • Be careful about age differences. An age difference can mean an imbalance of power and a greater potential for abuse.
  • If you are in an exclusive relationship with someone, don’t flirt with other people. It is disrespectful to yourself, your significant other, and the person you are flirting with.
  • Honor your commitments to each other and when you can’t, let the other person know before the commitment is broken.
  • Don’t pressure your girlfriend or boyfriend to do something that he or she doesn’t want to do. This is true whether it is becoming more involved physically, emotionally, or socially.
  • Be careful about what you post on Facebook, MySpace, or other social networking sites. Keep in mind that these are public, searchable, and can come back to haunt you.
  • Do not let anyone take nude pictures of you with their camera, cell phone, or any other device. No matter what you are promised, you never know where they might end up.
  • Remember that it is easy to misinterpret written communication, especially when it is in the shortened form of emails or text messages. Take a deep breath before writing anything and take the time to carefully read what you’ve written.
  • Be responsible when breaking up. When possible and safe, do it face-to-face and not via email, a phone call, texting, or a note. Be courteous and firm.