Families of kids with special needs face challenges, and so do their siblings.
My daughter was in first grade when her brother was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I’ve never forgotten how Jenna’s teacher, Barb Martinson, recognized her need for extra hugs and support during the weeks following Eric’s birth.
She granted Jenna the right to take home the coveted class bunny and had classmates write endearing cards of congratulations. Her actions helped recognize and meet Jenna’s needs, and researchers believe that’s critical.
Sibshops Offers Special Inclusion to Siblings
"Sibshops" is an award-winning program offering siblings the opportunity to interact with others like themselves through group meetings held in recreational settings. The program was designed for children ages 8 to 13, but it can be adapted for other siblings including adults.
Recreation is a vital part of the Sibshops experience. One popular activity is "Dear Aunt Blabby," which allows kids to write letters to an advice columnist. To provide good answers, siblings share their own experiences. These activities reduce feelings of isolation that kids might have.
To provide good answers, siblings are expected to share their own experiences. These activities facilitate peer-to-peer discussion and reduce isolation. Siblings can purchase T-shirts proclaiming, “I’m Special, Too!” and receive their own newsletter. Most Sibshops meet once or twice monthly for four hours.
Special Needs Activities Focus on Sibling Concerns
Sibshops began in Seattle, the brainchild of Donald J. Meyer and Patricia F. Vadasy. It’s part of the Sibling Support Project, a national program dedicated to the interests of brothers and sisters of people with special health and developmental needs. The Web site offers a wealth of information, including the national listing of Sibshops.
According to Meyer, director of the Sibling Support Project, most children with special needs have siblings. Meyer writes that the concerns most often raised by these siblings are:
- Feelings of guilt and resentment.
- Increased care-giving demands.
- Concerns about the future.
- The perceived pressure to achieve academically and athletically.
Research shows that siblings should be part of the overall planning for families of children with special needs because they often have the longest-lasting relationship with those children. Because of intense family demands, siblings often possess higher levels of maturity and a greater sense of compassion than their peers.
For both of our children, we’ve made homework a priority and shown enthusiastic support for their achievements. We have similar expectations and discipline for both of them, while supporting their extracurricular activities.
We want both children to have rich memories that include unconditional love, tolerance and problem solving skills, not a legacy of guilt, resentment and emotional injury. Those choices aren’t always easy.
I remember returning home late many nights after hours in intensive-care units, desperate for sleep. But my daughter’s need to express her sense of loss and anger over having a brother with special needs always took priority.
These emotional exchanges often ended with hugs and laughter and tear-stained faces. We had to learn to handle these moments well, and that’s one of the things that Sibshops can help families do.
“Thanks to Sibshops, brothers and sisters are helped to learn about the full range and depth of their feelings,” writes Thomas H Powell, dean of the School of Education at Winthrop University. “They learn to handle situations in positive ways. They learn about their parents. They learn that they are not alone, and they learn about their love.”
These are priceless gifts I hope I’ve given my daughter, now 17. In just one short year, Jenna will leave for college, another powerful reminder of how easily the demands of our daily lives can steal away precious moments with our children.
Judy Winter is a journalist on disability issues and the recipient of the 2002 Exceptional Parent Award from the Michigan Federated Chapters of the Council for Exceptional Children. This column first appeared in the July 26, 1999, edition of the Lansing State Journal. It is reprinted by permission.