Introducing (or reintroducing) your shy child to the social dynamics at school can be challenging. These social strategies can help:
  • Ask yourself, “Whose problem is this?” Maybe your child’s shyness bothers you more than it bothers your child. If you weren’t a shy kid, discuss shyness with an adult who was. Ask parents of shy children how they help their kids cope and make more friends.
  • Be gentle. Don’t force shy kids to participate in clubs or activities after school. Not having the option to say no can make these kids withdraw even more. Instead, offer ideas that let them participate at their own pace. You might say, for example: “Your cousin is joining the soccer team. Do you want to go to tryouts and see if you like soccer?”
  • Get together with other kids after school. Help shy kids identify a possible friend (a kid they sit next to in band; someone they’ve seen reading a book they read) and plan an activity. Suggest they do the following:
  1. Pick one potential pal. Avoid adding a third kid to the mix, as this can result in two-against-one situations.
  2. Choose a comfortable, familiar location.
  3. Plan an activity they enjoy and are good at to help them feel in greater control of the situation.
  • Role-play with your child. Take the part of a new teacher, coach, or potential friend and have your child carry on a conversation. Role-playing conversations helps shy kids converse. Then switch roles and let your child play the adult or friend. Be sure to keep this activity playful.
  • Use parent-teacher communication. Talk with your kid’s teachers—in person or by email if necessary—at the start of the school year. Tell them about your child’s personality before major education issues crop up. Ask teachers which strategies they use in the classroom to put shy kids at ease, such as pairing shy kids with outgoing kids for group projects.


Source: Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D., A.T.R.-BC, Connect for Kids(an online publication of the Benton Foundation).