Having been down in the trenches myself, I know that the battle to teach a toddler to share and play well with others can be difficult. This is especially hard if you have only one child.

The solution? Gradually introduce her to new friends. Play dates can be rewarding for the little ones, who get to watch someone else gnaw on toys. They can also be fun for parents, who get to compare the development of their little geniuses to others their age. A quick tip for harmony between parents: Don’t comment on that comparison. (Other parents think their children are geniuses, too!)

For first play dates, start out with one other toddler, and perhaps add others in time. Once you have chosen a playmate, follow these six hints to see that the social interaction flows smoothly. 

  • Timing is everything. Make the date for a time that both children are in a good mood. A sleepy or hungry toddler is not a fun date.
  • Give no “home-court” advantage. The first few play dates should be in a neutral territory, like the park or a local play area. This gives no one a chance to use “but it’s my house” behavior.
  • Nip fighting in the bud. Plan activities that they can engage in side-by-side, rather than together. At first they may be suspicious and just want to check out one another to see what the other does.
    • Also, try to offer matching pairs of toys. A toddler’s blue truck may not be as attractive as the other guy’s red truck. Color matters!
  • The way to a toddler’s heart is through her stomach. Signs of fussiness can be cured quickly with some finger foods and milk or juice. A few bites of fruit bar or Cereal-os may tame the little tigers for a few more minutes of play.
  • Don’t plan too much of a good thing. Watch your child for signs that she has had enough togetherness. Being with others her age is something she must get used to over time. She will need some down time, or cuddle time with you, after being a social butterfly.
    • An hour is probably the maximum time to expect good results.

  • Breaking up is hard to do. If the little gals seem to consistently fight more than they play, maybe they just have a personality conflict. Suggest to the parents that you may need to “see other people” and keep searching for playmate chemistry with another toddler.

With patience and proper planning, your toddler will learn to enjoy her time with others while learning some social skills. And you get some social interaction of your own. After all, who else will listen to all your war stories about parenting--except another parent?

 

 

Renee P. Futrelle is a freelance writer with articles appearing in several parenting publications. She lives with her husband and two daughters in North Carolina.