QUESTION:
I am a grandmother and I help my daughter baby-sit for her two children, both girls, ages 4½ and 8 months. It seems as though the older one is jealous of the baby. She squeezes her cheeks and sometimes puts her arms around her neck and squeezes tight and makes the baby cry all the time. When I scold her for doing so, she gets angry at me. How can we stop her from doing this?
—H.A., Syracuse, N.Y.
Sibling Rivalry Can Breed Child Aggression
DR. BRAZELTON:
Sibling rivalry is normal and expected-—but it’s not something you (or her parents) can control. What you can do is protect the baby from harm by keeping her out of reach. Your reprimands will only add fuel to the fray. The older child would respond much more readily to your praise or to your holding and loving her.
Respond Gently to Adolescent Behaviors
When such incidents happen, you can certainly say to your older granddaughter, "I can’t let you hurt her, so I must stop you—-until you can stop yourself." But also let her know that you understand her jealousy and her difficulty in controlling it. She’ll be reassured by your gentle controls and understanding of her feelings.
Questions or comments should be addressed to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, care of The New York Times Syndication Sales Corp., 122 E. 42nd St., New York, N.Y. 10168. Copyright 2001 by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. Distributed by New York Times Special Features.