Siblings who once tormented and tattled often end up each other’s closest allies. But grownups know it can be an uphill battle. Here are some family ideas for turning rivalry to revelry.

CRAWL
Purpose: To reduce stress in children when a new baby enters the house.

Play: It’s common for kids of all ages to feel jealousy toward newborns and attempt to take back your attention by acting out. You can try to limit this normal baby reaction by preparing your children for this life-altering change. Start by breaking the news when the timing is right. Instead of telling them a due date, which can be hard for young ones to grasp, give them a season to focus on: “Your new sister will be here when the snow starts to fall.” As you get close to the arrival, encourage interest by:

  • reading books about new babies
  • brainstorming names
  • visiting friends who have babies
  • taking your child to OB appointments to hear the heartbeat or see the ultrasound image
  • talking about your child’s birth and earliest days
  • looking through your child’s baby pictures and mementos

Once the baby is home:

  • Invite your “big kid” to help with tasks such as bathing and burping.
  • Don’t force a connection if your older one isn’t interested—give it time.
  • Lavish as much one-on-one time on your other children as you can possibly spare.
  • Take care not to bend the rules but discipline with compassion during this stressful period.
  • Throughout it all, be honest about the bad stuff. Some parents make the mistake of telling older kids how much fun it’s going to be to have a baby in the house. Newborns are not a lot of fun unless you like sleep-deprived parents, smelly diapers, and lots of noise. Try saying, “This is hard now, but we’ll get through it together. It might seem like this will last forever, but it gets better!”

Plus: Be sure your children know the importance of their roles as big brothers and sisters. Even though it might be inconvenient, consider making arrangements for them to visit mom and the new baby in the hospital. Make them a badge that announces “I’m the big brother!” using construction paper, a safety pin, and tape. Pull your older child aside at least once a day to assure them—through words and actions—that they will never be replaced in your heart.

WALK
Purpose: To help siblings learn to share, cooperate, and collaborate.

Play: If a common refrain around your house is “Mine!” you know how possessive and willful children at this stage can be. When two toddlers begin a toy tug-of-war, there’s a fair way to make them think twice next time: Put the toy in time-out. Redirect them with a two-player game instead, and quietly reintroduce the toy once they’ve forgotten what the fuss was about. If squabbling over the same items continues, consider setting a timer—Jack can play with the train for the first 15 minutes, Jill for the next. You won’t have to remember who goes first tomorrow—the kids will have that covered! Keep that timer out for a cleanup game that takes advantage of your kids’ natural tendency to compete: Give them two minutes to tidy as much as possible. Watch them race against time (and each other) to pick up all the crayons and puzzle pieces strewn about the house.

Plus: As unbearable as all the bickering can be, keep in mind that learning to compromise and negotiate is a major benefit of brotherhood. Remember to cut yourself some slack and—when you can—give yourself a break from it. Children aren’t the only ones who need help coping: Parents need to plan for healthy ways to deal with stress.

RUN
Purpose: To set early guidelines on how to treat everyone kindly, even those who make you the craziest.

Play: Research has shown that children work through conflict better when parents stay out of the way. Although it’s tempting to jump in and solve their problems, it’s better to provide kids with the interpersonal skills necessary to get through this moment—and life. You can expect arguments, but keeping things from escalating out of control is key. Children at this stage can help brainstorm ground rules, and you should set clear and consistent consequences for breaking them. Some examples:

  • No hitting, kicking, or biting.
  • No name-calling.
  • No fair making fun of someone being punished.
  • No yelling in the car.
  • Anyone who calls “first” automatically goes last.

Plus: Do step in when a fight gets dangerous. Separate them, let them calm down, then sit with them to talk things through. Make sure they understand that violence is never the answer.