My husband and I lived in four different cities before our son was four years old. His job took us many places, and when we had few attachments, moving was an adventure! But ten years and two more children later, a recent cross-country move became a major challenge.
Not only did we have to meet scheduling needs, like timing the sale of the house and arranging movers, we also needed to see that our children were making a smooth transition. We began preparing them three months in advance, involving them in most of the steps. We think this helped level the bumps in the road and avoid the stress in children families often experience.
Dealing with Emotions
When we learned we were in for another move, we held a family meeting. After the initial shock and tears, we began to lay out the details and share family ideas. Looking at a calendar to see what was ahead, we told our children what steps were involved. We showed them a map of the state we were moving to, talked about the city, and began listing what each of us needed to do for the move.
Their immediate concerns were very real. “Where will we go to school? What about friends? Can we come back here to visit?” For the next few weeks the tears occasionally flowed, especially from our ten-year-old daughter, who was not excited to leave her friends.
Acknowledging Emotions
Is an important part of the transition process. There may be some grieving, not wanting to let go. Cutting emotions short by scolding a child or telling him to stop before he is ready, will only cause problems later. Our children’s times of sadness were not frequent, but when they wanted to talk or cry, we took time to listen and sympathize. It was important for them to know that we, too, were sad about leaving our friends.
Travel for Kids to a New City
We spent time planning the fun things we would do once we got to our new city. We spread pictures, fliers and maps on the kitchen table and we looked for things we wanted to do once we moved. Then, when there were moments of sadness, we could talk about what we had planned.
Another important aspect of the move involved our future home. To save money and to avoid extra stress, we opted to leave the children with friends and family, while my husband and I hunted.
To keep the children involved, we went high-tech. Looking at a map of the city with the location of the new job in mind, we narrowed our search to a part of the city. Then we went to the Internet, to a house-hunting website that posts thousands of homes for sale. Plugging in factors like price, number of bedrooms, and location, we sorted through the possibilities. Our children loved looking through the photos we printed out.
We also used the real estate locator website to investigate schools in the area. We had no idea which ones were good, so we asked lots of questions. We asked my husband’s future co-workers, boss, friends of friends, and the real estate broker we had found. We also used the state's web-based school rating system, which was very helpful. Once we found the schools with high ratings, we had to figure out how to interpret the ratings. Good real estate firms and major newspapers can help with this.
When it was finally time to house hunt, we arrived in our new city with a list. Our Internet research narrowed our choices to about 15 homes. We called the children to tell them how the hunt was going. When we chose a house, our realtor took photos of every room, which we then took back to show the children. They wanted to pick out their own bedrooms from the photos, which helped them forget their sadness for a long while!
Packing and Moving
Some moving companies will give moving packages to children, which helps them become familiar with the process. Ours gave the kids books and games about packing and moving. This helped our youngest, especially when he saw his stuffed animals going into a big box. (We saved two of his favorites, along with some books and tapes, for the ride.)
Once on the road, our good-byes said, as the miles rolled away behind us we grew more excited about what was ahead because our children had been prepared. That didn’t mean there weren’t occasional tears as we settled in and missed our friends. But the time we spent preparing as a family made the move easier on us all.
Shaunna Howat is a freelance writer, teacher and mother who made the move from Michigan to Houston, Texas, and 13 months later to Ohio.