How does it make you feel when someone comments positively about something you said or did, and then says, "But…"? It deflates self-esteem. Instead of saying, BUT, say AND. Instead of saying DON'T, say DO. These simple strategies gain cooperation, increase self-esteem, improve children's and parent's relationships and make for peaceful family living. It works with adults as well as children.
Family Ideas for Positive Parenting?
When pre-readers attempt to 'read' simple books for toddlers to you, comment positively. If they miss a word, refrain from saying, "You read that word correctly, BUT you missed this one." Instead, say, "You read this word correctly, AND this one, AND you're trying very hard to sound out words, AND I'm proud of you."
If your child cleans her room BUT misses her coat, tell her what she did do. "You picked up your dolls, AND your blocks, AND your puzzles, AND I'm sure you can figure out where your coat belongs."
If your child makes you a wonderful art project, refrain from saying, "That's nice, BUT you have a big mess there to clean up." Instead say, "I like the colors you chose, AND I see you worked very hard on this, AND I like it very much, AND I'll bet you'll have those paper scraps picked up in no time."
When your child is rowdy indoors, refrain from saying, "DON'T run in the house." Instead say, "DO walk your feet when you're inside."
If your child leaves his book bag on the floor, refrain from saying, "DON'T leave that there!" Instead say, "DO put your book bag away."
Instead of saying "DON'T forget to…" say "DO remember…"
DO try it; it works!