Question
My teens never seem to want to talk to me about school. On a good day, when I ask them how their day went, they say "Fine" and change the subject. On a bad day, they just shrug and turn on the T.V. How can I get them to open up? Or is this one of those adolescent behaviors I have to get used to?
Answer
Your kids may seem unwilling to talk to you about school, but don't believe it. If they are like most kids, they want to do more talking. In fact, a recent poll revealed that seventy-two percent of children ages ten to thirteen said they would like to talk to their parents more about schoolwork. Almost half of older students agree.
So how do you get the conversation flowing? Try initiating conversations at different times of the day. Many kids, like adults, need downtime right after school. Wait a while and then ask open-ended questions (questions that can't be answered yes or no) later in the evening or during a drive across town.
Once they start talking, show your teens respect, and practice listening without interrupting. Offer to help them with tough assignments even if you have to bone up on a subject first. (Most teachers will give you all the help you need if you promise to tutor your child.)
Avoid trying to solve your teenagers' problems for them; instead, ask questions to help them think through their troubles and discover answers together.